thebrokenarrows | Entries tagged with the past

YEH today was good. pretty damn good. ive barely got to talk to Bird but honestly i don't care bc SHE HAS A HOUSE YEEEHHH this solves so many problems. i mean it does create some new ones but that's life :V
and not only did i not get to talk much today but tomorrow and saturday will be almost entirely radio silence for a while. but this is how i know i'm screwed: all i could think was i don't care because she's happy. i know she's happy and she's with her people and that gives me life rn. she doesn't get enough bright happy days and if i could give her more of them i'd give up so many more days of being able to talk properly, u have no idea. i'd trade that happily.

so today i ran some errands, GOT MY TAX REFUND YOOO. my plans for it are basically fix my car and then stick what's left in savings for my Utah trip. so then i paid my insurance and changed my address, and the lady was nice enough to write me down some addresses for their closest offices to my house. which aren't that close but a damn sight closer than Monroe :v

speaking of Monroe... while wandering around an antique store yesterday bb found a very old zine published in the 60s about the local civil rights struggle there. and like. i grew up here and never heard about any of the shit that's detailed in this zine and i'm fairly outraged tbqh. so i paid 35 goddamn dollars for a small magazine/pamphlet thing with like 30 pages. [literally a hundred times more than it was worth when first published, the paper itself says 35 cents] it's in really good shape and i don't know if i'll ever see another source for this info, but it's really important to me. and yes i believe most if not all of what it says is more or less true, even though it's in a fairly tumblresque incendiary tone. i mean it is a civil rights zine from the 60s so it's gonna be incendiary. because i already knew that my hometown had an uncomfortably high percentage of Klan members back in the day. what i didn't know was that my fucking hometown of Monroe was essentially a mini-Ferguson back then. like. that courthouse saw bloodshed. the Klan would drive through the black ghetto part of town - which is where, decades later, I was born and grew up, by the way and you would never have known by the look of it it's all cornfields now - and shoot up houses, ESCORTED BY THE POLICE. who were also all Klan. a little black boy was arrested and charged with rape for BEING KISSED ON THE CHEEK by a white girl, and this led to international protests, people throwing rocks at US embassadors because of fucking Monroe. oh my god. this shit is absolutely wack and makes me so embarassed to be from Monroe. but at least my parents/family weren't from here so they weren't around at all when this was happening. still, christ.

bb was telling me about a story that's in the book that i haven't read yet, about how Monroe used to have a public municipal pool. and immediately i stopped him and went "I know exactly where that is" and today we went to do my insurance which was right by there. so we walked over there and looked at the filled in little field with the ancient lifeguard chair perched on top. and talked about how they protested and petitioned for black kids to be able to swim there one day a week, after two little black kids drowned trying to swim in Bearskin Creek, and how the city said NO, because they would have to drain all the water and refill it with clean water in order for the white people to be able to swim there again the next day. makes your white skin burn and your gut feel sick.

and ya know i grew up fairly separated from the local black culture and just in general, my parents weren't fond of them especially my dad, who told me once that he'd disown me if i married a black boy. [totally disregarded it tbh lol, i was good about that kinda thing] so i never had very many black friends and actually got in a lot of fights with the ~black crowd~ at schools growing up. which kinda stirred up some racial issues in my head for a while. but as i've gotten older it's been chipped away mostly although of course it will never be totally gone. sigh. but tbh i really think living surrounded by black folks and working surrounded by black and hispanic folks, so basically my entire life these days, really helps. i feel more sympathetic than ever, and i understand so much more about what it must be like although i'll never fully know. the shit that used to make me wonder if i might agree now enrages me. i am that person at work who is a fun killer and always stops the conversation when someone white uses the N word or calls people 'mexicans'. the one who people call oversensitive or politically correct. well i'm proud to be in that case.

SO ANYWAY... back to today. we picked up some worms for Ruth [who turned out to be making all that racket in his cage yesterday because he was shedding! aww! he left a fairly big hunk of skin behind that he missed and didn't eat. cute!] and cuttlebone for the budgies, and i got to see a guinea pig hump another guinea pig's face :| and that is how i saw my first guinea pig penis. alrighty then. also saw a RIDICULOUSLY TINY BABY LEOPARD GECKO... ;_;... it was SO SMALL. like did u just hatch today??? it was so white looking, no stripes or spots and a tiny skinny tail... BABY. i was worried about it.
we also went out to eat lunch at Showmars and it was gooood. so good. fishu. so i have now spent my money and not gonna eat out every day. nope. i'm better than that.

then we got HOME and watched THE NEW SU EPISODE WHICH I'M STILL YELLING ABOUT!!! because goddamn that was good. i love garnet-centric episodes. like HOW IS GARNET SO SEXY and not sexualized or objectified at all @o@ it's amazing. i love it i love her as a character. also i love that i'm just like "GODDAMN DAT BOOTY DEM STURDY LEGS DAT VOICE DEM LIPS" and yet i'm not actually... like attracted to her personally LOL!! like she is VERY attractive like DAMN!!! but, i don't, idk, ~wanna tap that~ i guess. idk. sexuality is so complicated :v
AND I LOVE the message of this episode. god. that you can say no as bluntly as you want or feel like you need to. and that sometimes letting people down easy can backfire! so don't feel pressured to be gentle if that's not what you want/need! if they won't take a hint then say NO!! GO AWAY!! yes. v good. so good. also i love that Garnet constantly squats or sits with her legs wide open and doesn't give a fuck. it's so weirdly hot but also just powerful. SHE POWERFUL. GODDESS.
AND. AAAAND LOL. remember when i heard about the plot of the show and i said "garnet ///IS/// A DATE" WELL THE SHOW BASICALLY SAID THOSE EXACT WORDS AND I'M LOLING. I love it. I love it so much i love her and i love what she is made of and it means so much to me and the garnet stone has become a symbol of unity for me now thank u show

YEAH now i have an hour left and i'm gonna find something to nibble on and watch SOME MORE GAY SPACE ROCKS FUQ YEH IT'S A GOOD DAY

THE MENTAL FUNK CONTINUES...

idk just feelin anxiety/stress on the fringes. it's ok. just got stuff going on and i'm not handling it properly :| i feel like making a list of all the stuff i need to do but it'll just frustrate me and stress me out, which is the thing i Do Not Need Rn lol. so. [also i bet u this peripheral anxiety is what's keeping me from a good tie into headspace lately!!]

mostly i'm just worried about my car and very VERY carefully avoiding my natural instinct, which is to beat myself up about not taking care of its problems sooner. anxiety is a fucking bitch man. i'm just scared that through negligence i've ruined my car that i really really like, the one i've had the longest and liked the most out of all the cars i've gone through [which lemme tell u is too many for someone who's only been driving since 2009 and never been in an accident]. i've had this one almost THREE YEARS HOLY SHIT. how can summer of 2012 have been so long ago.

i swear. summer of 2011-summer of 2012 was like a lost year for me, in so many ways. just nothing. stagnation and fear and stress, a hole of mental issues. a really horrible job. i think me getting fired from there was the best possible thing to happen at the time. then i moved into a new room which i cleaned and painted all on my own, and those two things plus finding my current job two years ago [as of like yesterday!!] really rebooted me mentally. even so, 2013 was also kind of an empty year mentally. nothing Really Important happened EXCEPT over the summer was when headspace started coming back to me. after the Lost Year sorta shoved it down to a place where i couldn't access it. still struggling with the doubts and stuff amassed from then and from a while before then tbh that are keeping me from fully realizing it and my place in it. but then 2014 happened and doors started opening and the winter of 2014-15 was amazing. and the SPRING... don't even talk to me rofl. inside i'm just grinning all the time lately. YEAH EVEN NOW WHEN I'M KINDA ANXIETYING ABOUT SHIT. i have so much to be happy for. gotta hold onto that. gotta remember.

today thinking about anchoring and what it means. steven universe has the right idea holy shit. yet again an outside show reflects insides for me. [probably no surprise, rebecca sugar is my age and cut her teeth on the same stuff on which i cut mine, late 90s anime and Ghibli and Disney and etc] anchoring is the act of realizing your true self wholly and completely. that's not to say you're done growing or you understand yourself entirely because that's not possible for a human haha. it just means you KNOW who you are at your core [!!] and what it means to be you and what you stand for, in a way.

example: for me, when i'm being as truly purely myself as possible are times like when i'm trying to help someone talk through their problems, trying to lift them up and make them feel good about themselves, trying to make them see the truth about how great they really are. helping them see themselves kindly through my eyes. there's just something about that. there is something that rings pure like a perfectly toned note when you do stuff that's Truly You. stuff you 'were made to do' so to speak. that's an anchor. something you dig deep into when you feel like you're losing yourself. that is yourself. or one of your deep truths.

the opposite of anchoring is slipping, when you lose track of what you're about, what you are "for". not everyone is "for" anything lol but everyone has something they're good at, something that for them is like a piece slotting into a machine and functioning perfectly like clockwork. that is an anchor. slipping can happen for loads of reasons, whether it be that your anchor or "purpose" might be changing, or just depression or sickness, that kinda thing.

YEH SO

today i went to jack in the box because it's my old flame and i missed it. and like any junkie sometimes u go back to ur old bad habit and discover that IT ISN'T ACTUALLY AS GOOD AS U REMEMBER LOL. between traffic and making a couple wrong turns it ended up being a fucking 45 minute drive for some stupid fast food. and it was the same as it always was and that wasn't even worth it lol. not worth ANOTHER $10 meal out. another chunk out of my preciously small paycheck that could have been spent on important things or at least lasting ones. not a stupid unhealthy meal. gotta keep from being mean to myself about this stuff, it's the only way to really stop, hurting myself as some kind of "penance" does not work at all, i just wake up the next day and do it again. i have to be kind to myself. that's my truth. see myself in the same pure light in which i see those i love.

and thennnn i went to pet supermarket and got cat food and litter BUT no mealworms. so i guess i'm still stuck going to petsmart for that at least. :| lame. but Bird was right holy shit even pet supermarket is way cheaper in most things. also THEY HAD FERRETS EEE i missed that weird stinky ferret smell. we had a couple growing up and man they were the fucking cutest and best and i want one some day again, but i bet they hunt birds so bad idk ;_;

and so SOMEHOW, this fuckin trip took three hours when it shoulda taken like 1 hour tops. lame. not worth it but at least we have cat supplies i guess. and i shouldn't be jonesing for more jack in the box anytime soon. looks at the massive pile of jitb receipts still left in my car from before i moved lol......

anxiety is making me dread work holy shit, but mostly also the drive. bc my car is super not happy right now buuuut what can ya do -_- work itself should be fine. i'm mostly past the days of being afraid the entire day for the inevitable work shift to follow. thank god.

now i'm gonna go eat our leftover pizza and stuff. maybe watch some more gay space rocks. holy shit can i ever re-watch some gay space rocks episodes lemme tell ya. I CAME VERY CLOSE TO DRAWING A GEM OC TODAY LOL I JUST COULDN'T FIGURE OUT THE STYLE i'm doomed [but i have some good ideas]

literally cannot stop listening to stronger than you. ripped a shitty version of it onto my ipod bc i'm too impatient for a high quality mp3. STOP BEING MY HEAD SU

been thinking about Core stuff. what if... i almost don't even want to say this because it sounds so conceited lmao, but i know that's just bad stuff talking - what if i'm... the final Core? i mean. i'm probably not. but i've never had that feeling before. i'll always be "incomplete", and that's a good thing, that's human nature to feel that way and it means i'm healthy if i think that. but. at the same time, idk. i can't quite explain what gives me that feeling. what if i'm the "me" that sticks around from now on? idk. i feel weird and awkward expressing that thought lol but i wanna put it out there for future reference.

gonna make my roommate watch SU with me ehhhehehe. THE DISEASE IT SPREADS. NERD OUT ABOUT GAY SPACE ROX WITH ME. gimme an excuse to re-watch the whole first season. :V idk i'm not HARD CORE SPONGING like i do when a full blown ~Phase~ has happened but it's sticking with me and on my mind a lot. and that's cool. i'm working v hard to not let me make myself feel ashamed about it. BECAUSE THAT IS DUMB. BE EXCITED ABOUT THINGS. ENTHUSIASM AND INTEREST IS ACCEPTABLE AND ENCOURAGED. WTF IS UR PROBLEM IT'S OK TO LIKE THINGS.

went and visited that graveyard in the shopping plaza again today. and drove past and there was a heap of black plastic trashbags over the graves. and i heard a tinny SCREAM from somewhere over my shoulder. and went oh hell. here we go. so we walked over there to check it out and see why the fuck someone tossed trash all over the Dead and it turned out to be the opposite. bags of leaves. and only placed at the foot of the graves, not on them - even people who aren't superstitious are wise and know how to behave deep down.

and there we are. find myself confronting my own thoughts again like last night. you refer to yourself as superstitious casually in a sentence just then. and yet you say you're not if asked? a million questions. i don't know where my thoughts are on that thing. except that i'm continuing to let myself go and let my soul do exactly what it wants, and turns out what it wants is to find Spirit and wisps everywhere and i have to accept that. and figure out what i think about it. my skeptic analytic side wants to put it in categories and boxes and taxonomy but guess what. it don't work that way does it. vines never grow in a straight line.

some unknown voices spoke to me last night. one was gentle, maternal, warm and watery. i wondered if it was Irelia, a face of her that i've never known. i've only ever seen her as a mighty orca in the thunderclouds, wreaking havoc or just shaking the sky open. the other one felt like teeth, felt sharp and painful but well-intentioned. the words were harsh but only truth. i don't know who that was.

so i guess i'm gonna try to tell her all about... what happened. about all the stuff from approximately 2003-2007. i tried for hours to think of how the fuck do you even tell that story haha. how do you talk about it. where do you start. i realized i've NEVER just... sat down and told anyone before. anyone who does know only got it piecemeal and no one really knows the whole story. do i even know the whole story? idk. but it's a hard one to tell because... it wasn't just an event that happened, or a bunch of events. it was a whole... idk. way of life. a million billion tiny little interactions and things and events that happened every single day, every hour for years, and wore down my identity and corroded my soul until i doubted everything about who i was and couldn't tell truth from lies anymore. idk. it's a can of worms i'm scared to open but also i want to. for a lot of reasons. i've always gladly opened up about it to anyone who really wanted to know, but on the other hand no one really... wanted to talk about it. which makes sense. what a buzzkill, talking about your abuse. even bb, he wants to know enough to understand and to work with so he knows how to deal with things that come up in the present, but he doesn't really like to sit down and hear the stories and absorb them. they're just ugly. but i'd like at least one person to know. to actually want to know the ugly things, actually want to know those events as they happened and see me in that light. and still find me acceptable. and if someone out there REALLY knows, i'd want it to be her.

reading over what happened with me and Loki about three years ago

it really really REALLY changed how i viewed headspace. really helped me come to terms with the concept of things like the World Within and the validity of such worlds.

Loki really spooked me. really fucked with my viewpoint. as He tends to do. for a while i was pretty damn convinced that maybe i was dead wrong and there WERE gods on this physical outside plane after all, somehow. or at least archetypes, like the Trickster.

so nowadays my official opinion on the question of Is There A God[s] Out There? is basically, "i don't think so but i leave PLENTY of room for the possibility because some really weird shit has happened to me so i do my best to stay on friendly and familiar terms with The Unknown whenever possible."

and i thank Loki for that. that's pretty much how i went from 'atheist pagan' to 'atheist, but superstitious pagan... it's complicated ok?' lmao.

i haven't seen Him in quite a while but i know He's still around. His influence is still there. He's still a patron of mine, i know it. and the time will come for me to work closely with Him again after the initial shakeup session of that summer.

[Hey, one month since christmas. :3]

Another thing I wanted to mention briefly: Josiah. He peeked out at me back in 2012 when I was carless and toting my laptop around various fastfood restaurants for the entire day before work [bc my only ride was at 5 am and my work was at 2 pm] for a couple weeks that summer. Showed himself first through music - his music, large swathes of genres that he 'claims' as his own. After that he dropped off the radar for a while, but last fall and this winter he's been kinda lurking around more. Owning a possession on the outside [the ipod belongs to him] certainly helps. He's also taken a bit of an interest in Hiro, so maybe they'll be buddies. Kid needs some friends.

Not actually the last entry - ha!

Watched Spirit and it got me remembering back in like 2000-2002, my brief horse period [what young girl didn't have a horse phase for some reason?]. I was really into Grand Champions horses, possibly influenced by an older cousin who collected them for a while. I'd like to get back a couple of them, my 'herd' wasn't that big, but a couple of them were really nice. [Fond memories of going to my aunt's house that time and my cousin making 'stables' for my horses out of soda boxes!]

So, because I'm me: a list of some of the ones I remember having that I liked the most. With extra info dug up from the web.

- Paint stallion, black and white, his name was "Camouflage". Was a 'nuzzling' figure with movable head. Broke the leg off mine, as i recall.
- Mare and foal, both paint also, different colors. Named "Dusty" and "Stardust", also with movable heads. Companions to the stallion although I don't think I knew that.
- Clydesdale stallion, I want to say his name was Drum Major or that might have been his sire's name? "Mac's Pride"?
- A parade horse, not sure what color exactly, possibly "Goldenbloom"? Lots of fancy dress accessories.
- Not a horse, but this thing I wanted SO bad and almost feel like I might have got it??? Not sure??? Feel like I've seen it in person.
- This stallion on the left, dappled grey. Called "Thunder". They made noise when you moved their leg, as I recall. Also they are HUGE.

That seems to be all I remember. Possibly one more nuzzling one that was white? That might be the final horse I got, as I seem to recall. My GC phase didn't last long, but I played with the horses for a long while afterwards. There were probably a bunch more that were unremarkable and I don't remember them.

Also, I totally should find one of those horses you only got by sending in tons of proofs of purchase. Always stared at them with desire, knowing I could never get it because my parents wouldn't bother sending the stuff in for me. One of them was a grey dappled Clydesdale. [Always have loved draft horses especially.]
Including:
- "Skydancer" saw the picture and it rang a bell. Info says Lipizzaner stallion, idk what that means, but that's the info I need to look it up. I think I had this one somehow?!
- Dappled grey Clydesdale "Snowy Knight"
- Twin Clydesdale foals, I remember wanting these so bad. "Serenity & Tranquility"

Last entry for this year. Damn, the family just got home after being gone all day. I was having fun being home alone :[

I began 2014 inside the building where I work, and looks like that's exactly where I'll be when it ends. This marks the first year where I am employed at the same place on January 1st and December 31st of the same year. Weird, because I worked at my first job for nearly two years, and the second for over a year, and yet I just hadn't worked one entire calendar year from day 1 to 365 at the same place. I kinda meant to get another job all year, but now I'm kinda holding off searching for a new job until we're moved and settled. I need stability right now.

Also, in the four and a half years we've been together, we've only ever shared a single new years kiss. How sad is that. But for the last two I've been working overnights, sooo yeah. Bb left a while back to visit his college town and friends, and then he's going to see some other friends and do a bit of partying for the new year. I guess it's better than him being alone at home.

My brother's voice is starting to change. Weirds me out that his will change before mine does.

We got a box in the mail, but it wasn't Little Mac. Guess he's gonna wait until the new year to come home. I know he's in the state, just a matter of getting here. The website says that Charlotte has "received electronic shipment information" so... not sure if it's actually in Charlotte yet or not? I'm not actually sure if the mail runs tomorrow or not, but the estimate said Saturday so I'm expecting him to arrive on Friday. :D My reward from club nintendo hasn't even shipped yet, to my knowledge. But I guess it was free, so. I'm not too worried.

They left my grandma's dog outside with no food or water when they left this morning, I realized when I got out of bed. :/ she's inside now of course since they're home, but I gave her water and let her come inside a couple times to nibble food if she wanted.

Watching a documentary on y2k tonight. Can't believe it's been fifteen years. Where does the time go. I remember that particular New Years pretty well, we went to my grandmother's house and I never put down my stuffed Pikachu the whole time. I had just got him a week before and he was already my best friend.

Speaking of plush, my Amaura plush went missing??? He just hangs out on my shelf, so I'm mystified as to how he could be gone. It made me pretty sad to see Tyrantrum just hanging out alone without his buddy :/ Even looked around in other people's rooms to see if they picked him up for some reason, but he's nowhere. It doesn't make sense. But at least it was one that I can go replace in Target and not an old or rare one.

ten years ago today, i was freed. six months of living imprisoned in my house, no internet to reach out to when i didn't feel safe. cut off from my boyfriend at the time, to whom i was quite unhealthily attached, but didn't know a better way to go about a relationship.

i was 13. now i'm 23. quite a different person, but also exactly the same. funny how life goes, isn't it?

i was gonna say nothing going on, but actually that's not true at all! today we went to save point games because i saw on facebook that they had some old Tomys in of oldschool pokemon. if only i could have brought them ALL home, they had about 30 and only a few duplicates. but too expensive, so i got 5. slowpoke, slowbro, pidgey, pidgeot, and a non-Tomy, a Nidoqueen from 1999 BK promo. AND... god i always spend too much money when i go there ugh i should not have, BUT... they had Wind Waker!!! and Pokemon Channel!!! so now my gamecube collection has grown to 5 games. :D not bad for 6 months since i got it. i'm gonna wait to play Wind Waker until tomorrow probably, but... omg. never played it before. can't wait to start ;w;

and right now talking to the stepsister on Skype about pokemon and it's p nice. it's good to talk to people sometimes. even though i am trying to work on this project.

which is, by the way, a onenote notebook for headworld. almost like an offline wiki. a big long list of stuff. hopefully it will work out. :D

hello from my new laptop!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

i could not be more excited ;w; i've spent hours and hours in gmod today, ON MY OWN COMPUTER, SMOOTH AS BUTTER, ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. minecraft... had a bit of a harder time, actually! i was surprised! it's totally playable, but i expected to be able to set the render distance higher than i'm able to. but no problem at all, it's completely playable.

oh! and man it's a REALLY GOOD THING that i had the presence of mind to save my copy of ZenWriter to my external hard drive years ago, and it's a good thing that ZW is such a simple app that there's no need for an installation wizard - you can literally just put the executable file in its folder anywhere you like and run it just like that. BECAUSE... i went to just install it fresh, and on the bottom it said "trial version, 15 days left" - say WHAAAAT! i am NOT paying 18 dollars for such a simple app. like, that made me almost mad enough to start learning how to program my own damn word processing apps!!! like i'm going to pay almost a half a tank of gas just to have THIS SUPER DUPER SIMPLE word processor. i bet i could write it myself. but instead i was smart and cunning, and saved it to my external hard drive. so no worries. -v-

four hours until we go to walmart for ORAS!!!! and we get the figures!!! oh my goodnessssss i'm so hella excited *w* anytime i get a new pokemon game is A SUPER SPECIAL OCCASION. and i didn't get XY until three months or so after they came out, which is a travesty considering they turned out to be my favorite games so far! so i'm making up for it with the rest of gen 6, if i can help it when Z/X2Y2/whatever comes out next year or so. and yes, ORAS is part of gen 6. even though it's a remake of a gen 3 game. so sayeth me. :P

so the keyboard on my new laptop is of course 100% functional, as it very well should be, BUT, i find i'm quite comfortable typing with the standalone keyboard, so i'm keeping the plug handy whenever i feel like typing large amounts of text. god i missed this so much ;o;

i'm finally starting to figure out windows 8.1. i guess i don't HATE the start screen like i thought i would. i think having a year-ish to get used to the idea of mobile OS, with my tablet and phone [they run Android, not Windows, but ya know] was a big help for me. otherwise i might never have adjusted to the changes and resented 8.1 for not being just like 98/XP/vista like i'd been used to.

i was thinking about my rough timeline of windows usage. i think it went about like this:

- i had experience with stuff like DOS before, but my first ever experience was with windows 3.1 when i was really small. that was the time of the BBS and Trellis and all that

- my very first personal computer = hand me down running windows 95. i probably inherited it around 98 or 99.

- 2002-3? until 2009 = windows XP. not sure what the computer was running before then - probably 98 since i don't remember us ever owning windows 2000/NT/ME? - but i remember my dad installing windows XP on it in my newer bedroom.

- 2009-2014 = vista on my first ever laptop. i first encountered vista in the kitchen computer in 08.

- present = windows 8.1 on my second laptop. i skipped windows 7 completely, my only experience with it has been on bb's laptop which i used occasionally for gaming and not much else.

i'm hearing that windows 9 [which they are calling... windows 10?... i don't even know] is coming out soon and will be available as a free upgrade to people running windows 8.1, so i'm ok with this! i'm actually surprisingly comfy with 8.1, so far anyway. i haven't found any reason to hate it yet.

the only thing that's bugged me is the way the help articles are set up, to advise you what to do using touch screens, and then [in parentheses, tells you what to do if you're using a mouse]. it's a stark reminder that windows 8.1 is made primarily for mobile or partially mobile platforms, and running a mobile OS on a laptop or desktop just doesn't... seem quite right. i mean, it seems like this runs fine on this device so far, but i don't like the idea of a fully fledged PC that's running a mobile OS.

ok. so, before i strain my eyes from staring at this bright screen any longer, i'm going to run the ORAS demo two more times [bc i heard somewhere that you should play it at least ten times for the total rewards or something], get something to eat, probably play animal crossing and stuff, and bring the new LJ account up to date. :3

woo, how did i not write for three days? i'll tell you: because i was off for two of them and for some reason i usually don't write when on my days off, and then yesterday was EXTREMELY BUSY. so. :P

i am ssssuper tired because of our adventure yesterday xD which resulted in my being awake for just about 24 hours following 4-5 hours of sleep the previous night. which wasn't unexpected, it was in the plan, so i can't complain too bad. i was just SO TIRED. i just woke up in mid-REM, so i'm still feeling out of it, too.

but yeah. don't know if i mentioned it, but i FINALLY went to the renaissance festival! i made it!! i had to leave an hour early in order to get to work on time, but i'm ok with that, i'd rather miss an hour than miss the entire season. it was super great as always, i looove going there. i knew when i saw i had friday night off, i couldn't pass up the chance, it was now or never and i don't regret it, even though what followed was a crazybusy Saturday night and by the end of it i was so tired i felt like i was outside my body, and if i stopped moving about or talking, i would wobble and sway and threaten to fall over and pass out in the middle of work. but even so i don't regret it.

a plane just went over, sounded like rather low. it's been 7 years since i lived in the old house, which was close enough to the airport that you would hear planes flying over about every 5-10 minutes and get used to it as a normal sound just like cars going by... even though it's been so long, i still almost don't even notice when i hear the sound of a plane outside, though it's much more unusual here. you see them of course, but by the time they're in the air over wingate they're high enough to not be heard.

also... i almost never see planes leaving trails anymore! that used to be every day, especially at home, the sky was always crisscrossed with plane trails. i wonder if that's a change in technology for planes, if there are just fewer or no planes now that do that anymore. after a quick google, i learn that these are called contrails [and that only conspiracy theorists refer to them as chemtrails], but no word on why i never see them anymore. perhaps if i went back to the tiny rural area about 10 miles from here where i grew up and went to high school, i'd see more of them. [if you're not aware, contrails are made of water vapor. that's why they make little clouds. because that's pretty much exactly what they are.]

anyway. ren fest was... ren fest. things of note:

- the falconer had an African collared raven!!! so coooool. she was so beautiful. they had her trained to take money from people's hands and stuff it in the donation box. such a good idea, oh my god. huge effing lines for tips, both times that i went. the first time, i waited all the way from the back of the line, ready to have my day made by having that wily bird take the money from my hand. he took the kid immediately in front of me, then when it was my turn he looked me in the eye, said loudly to the crowd "sorry folks, the next show's starting" and took her away. i was CRUSHED, oh my god. i actually cried a little bit. how would you do somebody like that? when they were CLEARLY super excited about it? watch their face fall like that?

i was angry about how people prioritize kids over adults when it comes to animal stuff, like they'd give a kid who doesn't care at all the opportunity to meet an animal before they would an adult who is actually interested. because... i don't know. i have no idea, it makes no sense to me. i was kinda salty about it and mad for a while, but at the end of the day i was bored and my phone was dying and i had to stick close to the front gate so bb could find me, soooo... i went and watched the last show of the day as well. lol. AND THEN I GOT TO GIVE MY DOLLAR TO THE RAVEN FINALLY. i shouldn't have given the first one at all, i don't know why i still donated after that, but whatever, they got two dollars from me.

anyway. that was the only bad time i had, and it still was kinda good because BURDS. FALCONRY. i love seeing falconry, it means a lot more to me now that one of my closest friends is a falconer. like a real falconer!! i KNOW a falconer personally. wtf. that's so epic. you make my life cooler. someday i will go visit her all the way in Utah and i'll meet her hawk and/or whatever she has at that time and yesss. if she was an in person friend instead of a long distance friend, i'm p sure i would get swept up in the falconry thing myself too.

things i bought there! i spent too much money ughhh but it's ren fest, you literally always do. the trick is spending too much money on GOOD stuff and not stuff you'll regret buying. i'm pretty sure i did a good job of that. even though i screwed up my savings a bit and MIGHT have delayed my new computer for a few more weeks. ugh i hope not. but you do what you gotta do.

- coyote tail. i had thought all that was sold at the fest were fox tails. i don't really know why but fox tails are a thing there, i think they're just a thing at ren fests in general because GARF has them too. i got my fox tail [silver morph, it's black with white tip] the first time i ever went to a ren fest in sixth grade. he's been with me a REALLY long ass time, like damn. so i had no need for another fox tail - although, it might be cool to collect a few more morphs and colors! i know that pelt enthusiasts do that. i'm more of a bone enthusiast when it comes to dead critters, but i LOVE pelts. they're just so expensive and take up space that i don't have atm xD. and i just have a really strong connection with bones.

but anyway. i asked the lady if all she had was fox tails, and she said nope! she also had coyote and wolf, and raccoon. i felt VERY drawn to the coyote tails and felt them for a while until i picked one that felt right. she is beautiful and perfect. i feel a lot of mistrust and dislike for humans from her, though. not aimed necessarily at me - i don't wanna sound too mary sue LOL, but it seems like she [conveniently] doesn't view me as a human? she ~*~sees my true nature~*~ lololol. i can't take that seriously. but honestly, that's how it seems to be, she doesn't view me as a human. i'll need to work with her on that. she doesn't have to learn to like humans or trust them, that's fine, she only needs to trust me.

- a brass[!] wax seal stamp and a stick of crimson red sealing-wax. yyyyyyyyYYYASS. bb's brother mentioned to me that the store that had these was at the festival now, and he said i would like it. boy was he right. it was a hard choice between the honeybee symbol or the snowflake symbol, but eventually the hexagons won out. haha. so i got that [it's BRASS i'm sorry i'm just excited about that] and some wax. i'll start practicing with candle-wax first, before i use up the nice wax made specifically for sealing. y'all don't understand, i've been looking into sealing-wax for YEARS. i'm super excited.

- a little pin with greyhounds on it, for donating to the foster group for retired racing greyhounds that operates out of the festival! i love those guys, kinda want a greyhound myself someday. and the pin is rly nice so yesss

- two, TWO leather bound journals from Poetic Earth. omg. the guy who owned it was there and he offered me a deal on two smallish ones that i couldn't refuse. they will be, like the first one i have with the whales, spiritual in nature, focusing on Spirit and inner life. they may be extensions or additions to the Book of Life, or even parts thereof. idk yet. i'm kinda toying with the idea of, gradually, buying six+ books from this shop and using them for the Book of Life and its parts. because they're not mass-produced, they're made by hand from this one guy, he makes the plates that burn the designs on the journal covers himself, by hand. so. YA. it's p great. i wouldn't want to bind the Book of Life in some really nice looking leather journals, but then someone comes along, looks at them and goes "oh, those are the journals from such and such store/website! i know those. i know where you bought those." bc gross. my spiritual books shouldn't be recognizably bought from a store. i mean, they were, but from a shop owned by the guy who made the products himself, not mass produced in a factory or some such.

also that guy's pagan as fuck and i love him, i love everyone at ren fest, fen fest is SO PAGAN holy shit. not /everyone/ is pagan, but there's such a huge concentration of pagans and pagan imagery in ren fest culture, it's wonderful. i love anywhere where i can feel immersed in people of "my faith" so to speak. we're so scattered and randomly dispersed by nature, it's so rare to find huge gatherings of them for me.

also i just looked at the online shop for Poetic Earth, and they have p much everything there. the guy wasn't lying, everything in the shop is cheaper than online, but they do have everything for sale there, just like 5 bucks more than during ren fest season. so if i just get a hankering for another Book of Life part for some reason, it's always available. i love the internet.

the journals that i got were a really little one [like 2.5x2.5"] with a latch on it and the cover embossed with kind of a flower petal sort of design? the pages also have random flower petals embedded in them here and there, very cool and interesting. the other one is a bit bigger, about 4x5", with a dragon on the back. the guy who took my money said i was lucky to find a dragon, they always sell SO quickly. i believe it. i found it all covered in dust [not necessarily meaning it'd been there a long time, ren fest is REALLY DUSTY, it's always fun cleaning all the dust out of your nose afterwards] at the back of a shelf in a corner. the only one i would have wanted more than that would be a pentacle, but they of course get snapped up too. i let Hiccup pick out the bigger one, so yeah of course he got the dragon.

in two days, it will be 9 years since Kris Johnson and Forrest's mother died. the only time a student death happened while i was in school. i didn't really know the guy, but that day really left a mark on me. watching all of my friends mourn, everyone i knew, we were all so fucked up. then going to the football game that night in the bitter cold... Forrest, whose mother had been killed in the accident that day, was on the football team, and he still played... we lost of course. my feet were numb from wearing chuck taylors in the cold for hours. i remember that day like it was yesterday. i bet Michael does, too. it happened during the period when we spent the most time together.

geez i can't believe we're already halfway through November ASDFJASD. this month needs to slow the hell down.

weird dream last night that i was burning candles on my altar in the fireplace, and stuff kept catching fire. every time i'd move around, something that was hidden to me started catching on fire while i couldn't see it. and i couldn't put the fire out. my favorite altar cloth burned away to nothing before i could stop it. weird, unsettling symbology in that dream.

won't really get to see bb today until after work, but i'm fine with that actually. after the craziness of yesterday, a day alone is perfect. i feel myself unwinding just as i need to. just gonna clean up, gonna get a bit of art done... yep.

kinda feel like moving my room around, i moved it into this position exactly a year ago today. i also feel like really really cleaning my room super good, and THIS time, i have another body around! a body that's stronger than mine, better at/more into cleaning, and not depressed so will most likely be better at keeping it that way than i would alone. i kinda want to leave my bed where it is, but i want to move my art table more towards the windows. i like the natural light. idk, it might not work squeezing the art table and bed together like that though. don't know, will have to talk to bb about it and see what he thinks. i might not do anything after all, lol. we're only going to be able to live here for like six months more, so, it might not even be worth it. /shrug.

anyway. on that slightly distressing note, i think i'm done writing for now. gonna get some cleaning done, declutter my tables so that my new journals can soak up good energy [putting good vibes and energy into my new things is like REALLY intrinsically important to me! i always seem to put work into that without even thinking about it or prompting myself, it's just naturally something that matters to me haha]. and make food~! maybe take a nap, i'm working ten hours tonight and definitely not gonna be that tired again tonight.

remember the fifth of november... we have our own reason for remembering, for this too was a day of betrayal and treason for us. one year ago, we had to go into a period of hiding for two months. we had no smart devices then, so our internet access was cut off and we were left trapped for a while. it was, in some ways, rather fun and sharpened our skills. a time of secrecy, a time of lying in wait. but we wouldn't go through it again. never forget what happened a year ago, and why we have not let our guard down since that day.

a moth or something flew into our lamp, it's burning up and the room smells like smoke. :S

some things that have happened in the last couple of days:

- realized that it's going to be very hard, or maybe impossible, to go to the renaissance festival this year. and even if i can manage to go, 90% chance i'll have to get there late and leave early. not going is not an option, i will be heartbroken and furious if i can't make it at all. i doubt i will get a friday/saturday off this month so i can go with bb... so i'll have to manage to find someone who will drive and who is ok with showing up late and leaving early... :/ :/ :/
- today i just sat down and drew. two finished pieces straight in a row. simple ones, first Mandibuzz and then Porygon-Z, but i churned them out so quickly and they look pretty good, particularly Mandibuzz.
- my car needs some maintenance. all i really know is the engine is bumping rhythmically, which says to me it's probably a spark plug. which is fine bc A: i have some laying around and B: bb seems confident he knows how to change them. i guess i'll let him try, maybe tomorrow. also i need to get some oil in it.
- at work the night before last i jammed the SHIT out of my right middle finger, so hard i thought for a few minutes that i might have cracked the bone. basically i was leaned in there and stuck the tip of my finger up into the bottom of a grid in the fry well, to try and get rid of an errant fry that was stuck in there. well, turns out the grid was smaller than expected, and kinda 'trapped' the very tip of my finger a little bit. and i didn't slip my finger back out all the way before i pulled myself back up to go do something else. so what happened was i WRENCHED my fingertip really badly between the two bars. my fingernail took the brunt of the force, and it's still tender and bruised two days later. when i wrenched it really bad i felt/heard a crack, which is why i kinda thought for a second i might have broken it, that combined with the intense pain! but i think it's fine, just sore and bruised. i think the crack was just the tendon/ligament in that joint popping, that's all.

i have only about 15 pages left in the art book i'm currently using. Jewel is in the very beginning of this sketchbook, so i know for a fact i finished this within this year. the earliest date i can see written down is in July, about a quarter of the way through the book. i believe i started it in the spring, so i've gone through a whole sketchbook in roughly six months. that's the first time that's happened in AGES and i want to give myself a THOUSAND PATS ON THE BACK. i'm not kidding, this is a definite sign of improvement, a huge sign that my artistic mojo is coming back, i'm definitely becoming healthier and i need to keep the ball rolling. the last sketchbook took me TWO YEARS to use up, i used to go through 10-12 of these a year. I'M COMING BACK, BABY~
also thinking of tearing out the best pages, they are made so you can do that. and putting them in my portfolio thing that i got at target. because i haven't really used that yet.

i have several hundred dollars in my bank account because i managed to make it to payday only spending half of my check. YAS. i could, technically, go buy my computer RIGHT NOW most likely. @u@ but i will wait. because my next paycheck will be like two days before ORAS comes out aaahhhh!! READY. also because i need to, you know, make it until next check and i might break my bank between the computer and gas/bills and such. xD tryin to get better at saving money. doing my best. i need to have a bunch saved up even after i get my computer bought sdlfkjsdlfkjsldkfj

another thing that happened!!!
so the new pokemon tcg set, Phantom Forces, came out i think yesterday. or within the last few days at least. and while we were out investigating a MTG store that bb and i just discovered, i bought a booster pack of the new set on a whim. not at the card store because [like every card store, sigh] they don't carry pokemon on the shelf. although the guy did offer to order a booster box for me cheap if i went through him. but anyway, after we went there i bought a pack at walmart. i skipped through all the Mega Manectric packs in the front and grabbed the first Mega Gengar in line. because spoopy. wandered through walmart for a while - got approached by some random teenage boys and fled and lost a TON of social spoons all in one go because something about them just scared the piss out of me, even though they weren't REALLY suspicious, they just seemed to want to tell a stupid joke to my boyfriend and me - and finally got back to the car, pretty tired. decided to open the pack right there and -- HOLY SHITBALLS. full art Malamar ex staring me in the face. @___@ in the FIRST PACK i randomly grab at walmart?!?!?! on the first day it was released??? that was like THE card i would have wanted the most out of every ultra rare. because Malamar. Mambooooo <3 holy shit y'all. it's so beautiful.
BUT SRSLY. this on top of my slow gradually growing interest in serious collection of the tcg sets, and maybe even playing the game. i feel good vibes about Phantom Forces. and i decided that, if i can make it happen, Phantom Forces should be the first set that i try to complete, and therefore i should get a booster box! just getting really nice vibes after that amazing first pull. AND just a while before that happened, the guy at that card store offered to sell me a cheap booster box?! feels like ~DESTINY~
but ya. booster boxes usually run about a hundred bucks. but if the guy is willing to do like 20% off i'll TAKE that. heck yeah.
so as far as pkmntcg goes, my plan kinda goes like this: buy computer [and AS], have ~100 to blow afterward, order Phantom Forces box from this game store, that way i can film myself opening it and post it to youtube! posting it to youtube now would be a pain in the butt and i could do much better with a brand new computer to operate from. so. it will wait until then for many reasons. i'm not really planning on becoming a tcg youtuber or whatever. but why not add to the videos i've been watching so many of lately?? :D

i've gotten like HELLA DEEPLY into pokemon this year. like. wow. pokemon nonstop at every turn. i've been into it always, of course, but it seems like since X and Y came out last fall, and since January when i finally played it myself, it's become like POKEMON OBSESSION 2.0 for me. but this time as an adult with an income of sorts. @u@ i am totally ok with this.

AND THEN NINTENDO DROPS A FUCKING BOMB UPON MY FACE BECAUSE F HKASDJADSFLJKASDLJF FUCKING MAJORA'S MASK 3DS. FINALLY. FINALLY IT'S HAPPENING. OH M YGOD. I hate almost lost hope, always thought it had a strong chance but was never quite sure... THEN IT HAPPENS. Holy fucking shit.

no. y'all don't understand. no one will understand the effect this game had upon me. i loved OoT, played the hell out of it, but THIS GAME. This game. oh my lord. i'm going to watch the trailer again because i recognized EVERY location shown in the reworked footage. it's clearly pretty early on in development, they had a mix of old footage/audio in with the new because i guess they simply didn't have enough all new material. but like... random stuff like a corner of the astronomy tower, i immediately recognized it. the roof of the farm house, immediately knew where it was. a random room in the maze in the southern swamp, recognized it. yes. yeeesss. MAJORA'S MASK IS FINALLY HAPPENIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGG i cannot believe it

does this mean i should work on finishing OoT3D? I've never finished OoT, believe it or not. i've actually never even finished majora's mask. i got to the second battle with Majora and ran out of arrows and health, and ran out of energy and never tried again. should i play through it over the winter? or would it be better to not play it at all and let the anticipation build?

man. by spring, i'll probably be out of the house. i HAVE to have that $50ish put away for majora's mask. i'd really like to spring for some kind of bundle pack, because on christmas 2000 i got a bundle pack with the original majora's mask, so it'd be fun to repeat that... it's a shame they 99% likely won't make a special colored cartridge for the remake. i got the special gold n64 cartridge with the lentricular "3D" design on it, looking at it right now. [to be fair, most people did, i've rarely seen a regular looking majora's mask cartridge that wasn't gold and 3D, but it was special to me]. i wish they would start making colorful game cartridges like they did with pokemon on GBC.

oh man, if it's coming out in May... BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT. B E S T. if i know Nintendo it'll be more like March though. BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR... my boyfriend who's never played it? nah LOL.

with this announcement i kinda get the feeling that there may be a new handheld console in the works/that the 3DS's lifespan is coming to a close. mostly because i distinctly remember that OoT was one of the earliest releases in the n64's lifespan, and MM was one of the latest... and OoT3D was very early in the 3DS's lifespan, so now several years later they're announcing MM3D? really not sure that's a coincidence!

ugh the mother's in the kitchen right now and i'm so excited and i want to just jump out into the kitchen and tell her that Majora's Mask, a game she played the hell out of too, a game she admitted to buying half for me and half for herself in the first place back in 2000, our cartridge which still carries her game data on it 14 years later, is being remade. i want to share that happiness with her! but guess what? it will only dampen my happiness, because i know she'll just say "oh. cool." and won't care. at least i know now before i even bother to try? :/

today's the last day of september! the annual "last day of single digit month dates" of the year! always notable to me, idk.

so yesterday was pretty cool, on a whim [more like upon seeing an important facebook update] we got dressed in a hurry and zoomed up to Save Point Games up in charlotte. because they had a whole bunch of old pokemon toys for sale! they were selling extremely quickly and over half were gone by the time i came in, but i still managed to get some good ones. they still had over half of the power bouncers!!!... but since they were 5 bucks apiece [still in package of course] i only took two... Charmander and Charizard! hell yeah. i also got this interesting venusaur, which after a quick google to make sure it was legit, turned out to be a bath toy made by an obscure company back in the day. sweet! and i got two old Burger King toys, both tops, Chansey and Magnemite. they're scuffed up but i promise you, unless you get them in mint condition, you're almost never going to find ones that are NOT scuffed up just due to the nature of a: what kind of toy they are, and b: how much freakin' fun they are to use, lmao. also i'm glad i got Magnemite, because i've seen that if you balance him just right, he can breakdance on his top screw. o_o

i'm still so unsure if i'm going to unbox the power bouncers ;_; i think i will, but if i do, i will do it on video. :D because the packaging is yellowed, so i'm not going to throw it out, but i think i should remove the power bouncers from the yellow plastic!

speaking of pokemon, i've been doing some mental puzzling and sleuthing over the past couple of days trying to figure out when, exactly, the Golden Years were. meaning when did i actually get into pokemon, and when was The Greatest Christmas [meaning the one where i asked for all pokemon stuff and DID, in fact, get all pokemon stuff... except like the n64 games that weren't pokemon but i totally didn't count that bc it was nintendo and still great and mostly still pokemon anyway... at least i'm 90% sure that was the same christmas]. i was remembering when y2k happened, i was holding onto my pikachu toy. which i had just gotten that year, which said to me that it was christmas of 1999 that was The Greatest Christmas. so by then i was heavily into pokemon already. at that point i was 8 years old.
and now i have confused myself slightly, because i was thinking about my birthdays, but now i'm not so sure i'm straight on which one was which. my tenth birthday was when we rented a cabin in cane creek, that was the birthday of the Jewel cd and the one where we got pokemon stadium 2. that game came out in america in march of 2001, and may of 2001 would have been my tenth birthday.

so the year before that, my 9th birthday, is i'm pretty sure the one that was held at my house. that one was heavily pokemon themed, with pokemon streamers and dinnerware and cake, and most of the gifts pokemon themed. [i also remember T.D., who i'm pretty sure was there, having a heavily pokemon influenced birthday around that time at his house too. his birthday was almost the exact same day as mine, so that might have been the same week, even, as my 9th] i remember getting the round pokemon poker card deck that year. and the charmander and pikachu cake toppers.

the year before THAT was my eighth birthday. and if i was into pokemon by then, i wasn't so obsessed that all of my stuff was pokemon stuff, or if i was, then no one knew it yet. and i tended to tell everyone, so i probably hadn't heard of it yet. i had my eighth birthday at cane creek too, i'm pretty sure. that was the year of "boy toy" A.W., the year of laying on the dock and watching vultures circle over me curiously, the year of the stuffed beanie unicorn and winged mouse duo [i still intend to make characters out of them, i loved those two so much] and the coloring book of stuffed animals that i loved. the year of the camper that smelled kinda mildewy. that birthday would have been 1999.

i don't clearly remember my seventh birthday, in 1998, unless it was the one at that skating rink which has closed down now, which i barely remember except in photos. but i feel like that may have been my sixth birthday.

this is one of those things that i desperately want to get in touch with my dad and receive photos for. anything from 1997-2003 would be especially great. as soon as he started taking digital photos, basically. or any physical photo albums he has that my mom doesn't have. because i think he took some of them.

yep. i'm gonna do some sleuthing of the time between the summer of 1998 and the spring of 2001. to figure out exactly when i fell in love with pokemon. because i THINK it was in 1998 - and in fact on this exact date, september 30th, in 1998, pokemon red and blue came out in america - but it could have been the following year.

let's see when relevant pokemon things came out in america:

r&b: september 1998
super smash bros: [i basically considered this a pokemon game] april 1999
pokemon snap: july 1999
yellow: october 1999
pokemon the first movie: november 1999 [not sure if i saw in theaters or not? but i think i did bc i have promo cards]
first pokemon burger king promo [gold cards]: november 8-december 31, 1999
pokemon stadium: february 2000
pokemon the movie 2000: july 2000 [i'm positive i saw this one in theaters]
second pokemon burger king promo: july 24-august 30, 2000
pokemon puzzle league: september 2000
g&s: october 2000**
hey you pikachu!: december 2000
pokemon stadium 2: march 2001
crystal: july 2001

so, we can attest:
by christmas 1999, the following was out: RBY, pokemon snap, and smash.
by christmas 2000, the following was out: pokemon stadium, puzzle league, gold and silver, and hey you pikachu.
i couldn't have gotten crystal until at least christmas of 2001 most likely, and i know i got stadium 2 in may of 2001, not long after it came out.

i KNOW that i had Pikachu by december 31, 1999, and i got him on The Greatest Christmas, memory of sitting at the dining room table to eat christmas dinner with him in my lap [sister too, as she also got one of her own] attests to this. so i am pretty sure that The Greatest Christmas, the one where i got ALL the pokemon toys and also my yellow gameboy, was a separate event than the n64 christmas, which was most likely the following year on christmas of 2000. there once was video evidence of both these events, but due to carelessness they have both most likely been lost.

so, an interesting thought, that i didn't get the n64 until late 2000, near the end of its lifespan. majora's mask, another notable game i own, came out in america in october of 2000, so i could have definitely gotten it then, and data agrees that i did, as i definitely remember getting the player's guide that christmas and a subscription to nintendo power with it. [but i'm pretty sure i had a subscription beforehand?? or at least got a few issues because that's where i got all my Johto info that i couldn't find online]

so i wasn't the earliest bandwagon-jumper when i got into pokemon, but i remember getting into it in third grade.
second grade was 1998-1999. [ages 7-8]
third grade was 1999-2000. [ages 8-9]
fourth grade was 2000-2001. [ages 9-10]
fifth grade was 2001-2002. [ages 10-11]
wow, it actually happened a lot earlier than i realized. so, i guess, pokemon first made it to america when i was starting second grade. seemingly sometime in between second and third grade, possibly over the summer, was when i discovered it. i'm not sure how - magazines, the anime, from friends or from reading it online?
the very first pokemon material i remember is a small magazine, kinda like those disney adventurer or whatever magazines, that i somehow got my hands on in the beginning of third grade. either the teacher handed them out, or i got it from a classmate, or i just found it or something? i don't know. what i do know is that little magazine may well have introduced me to pokemon, and the first pokemon i remember knowing about, aside from Pikachu probably, was Caterpie, on the cover with a bunch of others.

UPDATE: after a quick Google of around the date of me starting third grade, in fact it might HAVE been Disney Adventures magazine! because the september 1999 issue was all about Pokemon! so, yes! i need to get my hands on a copy of this issue because this might be important historical material for me! i did get an issue of this magazine once in a while - i don't think we had a subscription, but maybe we got it from the grocery store or something occasionally.

so we should view The Greatest Christmas, also can be called the Gameboy Christmas, and the N64 Christmas as separate events. i had a gameboy for about a year before i got an n64. so the GBC is definitely the first console i had.

** gold and silver came out in november of 1999. almost a year before it came out in america, in october of 2000. i remember a LOT about that time in between of figuring out everything i could about the new games. learning all of their names in japanese from nintendo power, not knowing if they would ever translate... the pokemon factory and their weird sometimes legit seeming, sometimes blatantly fake, "new pokemon" like pikablu-marrill... getting a very shitty, very early ROM of gold and silver from my mom [who was also into it then], badly translated into english with all the pokemon giving out weird double-cries...

this would normally be the part where i apologize for going on at such length about something that no one else would care about, but listen up! this is literally only written for me and me alone! and i care about it Very Much so fuck off to that corner of my brain :3

yay! i'm glad i figured that out. and now bb is going to play spyro on the ps2. :D

- later -
so i went and ran some errands and then went to walmart, because i needed to replace my FM transmitter. but they had something cool and different this time! this is the first time i've replaced it since i've had an ipod, and like... having an ipod as opposed to a third party mp3 player opens up SO many more possibilities, omg. and it turned out that they had this thing that was kinda like a GPS holder, with a flexible neck, that plugged into your cigarette lighter slot and charged your ipod while also being an FM transmitter. so i don't have to hold the thing between my legs and hold the ipod to keep it from falling out on turns anymore! AND i can look at the pretty album art on the screen! and i don't have to look like i'm texting while looking down at my lap all the time and being wary of cops! yassss
so far the audio quality seems a bit less than the older one? but i'm not sure that i'm doing it completely right yet. it's kinda hard when your clock display doesn't work 80% of the time and you have to guess what frequency you're on. luckily it has a preset that's .1 FM away from the one i was already on?? so i hope when i get it over to 88.2 instead of 88.3, it will sound a bit better, because it's rather staticky now. nothing i can't handle, and it might push me to listen to my ipod more when i'm not in the car, but still.
also it's cute and says HI when you turn it on :3c

so while in walmart i think someone else was fronting with me? someone little? i'm not sure who they were though. just that they were little, seemed like a boy, and was REALLY disappointed that there was a lack of pokemon stuff in walmart. he was upset because he remembered walmart being pokemon central. which i totally understand. it was once a haven for pokemon toys, but no longer, i'm afraid.
[there WAS, however, a SUPER AWESOME, really nice looking 20" model of Toothless in his mega glowy form for 23 bucks. it's a christmas toy type thing. mannnn it's pretty awesome. i might get that as a gift to myself at some point. it's HUGE and i have no idea where i'd put it but... worth it. it's the best looking Toothless model i've seen.
the body was also really really dehydrated while out and about. so much so that i had us buy a stupidly expensive bottle of water just so we could stay away from being dangerously dehydrated. you never know when you won't make it home in a timely manner.
seriously... it was a dollar 61 with tax. do you know what a bottle of Mistic would have cost me? 1.07. it's like... you could have JUST water for this much, or you could have this water that we added unhealthy artificial shit and dyes to for a lot less. ????? water? expensive. water, plus some dyes and bullshit added in? cheaper than just water.
it's not really a mystery as to why this is, though. water is a basic need. they know you need it, so they drive up the price. fuck that shit.

i think i'm going to open up another document, this one is getting quite long.

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