111614

[thebrokenarrows]

woo, how did i not write for three days? i'll tell you: because i was off for two of them and for some reason i usually don't write when on my days off, and then yesterday was EXTREMELY BUSY. so. :P

i am ssssuper tired because of our adventure yesterday xD which resulted in my being awake for just about 24 hours following 4-5 hours of sleep the previous night. which wasn't unexpected, it was in the plan, so i can't complain too bad. i was just SO TIRED. i just woke up in mid-REM, so i'm still feeling out of it, too.

but yeah. don't know if i mentioned it, but i FINALLY went to the renaissance festival! i made it!! i had to leave an hour early in order to get to work on time, but i'm ok with that, i'd rather miss an hour than miss the entire season. it was super great as always, i looove going there. i knew when i saw i had friday night off, i couldn't pass up the chance, it was now or never and i don't regret it, even though what followed was a crazybusy Saturday night and by the end of it i was so tired i felt like i was outside my body, and if i stopped moving about or talking, i would wobble and sway and threaten to fall over and pass out in the middle of work. but even so i don't regret it.

a plane just went over, sounded like rather low. it's been 7 years since i lived in the old house, which was close enough to the airport that you would hear planes flying over about every 5-10 minutes and get used to it as a normal sound just like cars going by... even though it's been so long, i still almost don't even notice when i hear the sound of a plane outside, though it's much more unusual here. you see them of course, but by the time they're in the air over wingate they're high enough to not be heard.

also... i almost never see planes leaving trails anymore! that used to be every day, especially at home, the sky was always crisscrossed with plane trails. i wonder if that's a change in technology for planes, if there are just fewer or no planes now that do that anymore. after a quick google, i learn that these are called contrails [and that only conspiracy theorists refer to them as chemtrails], but no word on why i never see them anymore. perhaps if i went back to the tiny rural area about 10 miles from here where i grew up and went to high school, i'd see more of them. [if you're not aware, contrails are made of water vapor. that's why they make little clouds. because that's pretty much exactly what they are.]

anyway. ren fest was... ren fest. things of note:

- the falconer had an African collared raven!!! so coooool. she was so beautiful. they had her trained to take money from people's hands and stuff it in the donation box. such a good idea, oh my god. huge effing lines for tips, both times that i went. the first time, i waited all the way from the back of the line, ready to have my day made by having that wily bird take the money from my hand. he took the kid immediately in front of me, then when it was my turn he looked me in the eye, said loudly to the crowd "sorry folks, the next show's starting" and took her away. i was CRUSHED, oh my god. i actually cried a little bit. how would you do somebody like that? when they were CLEARLY super excited about it? watch their face fall like that?

i was angry about how people prioritize kids over adults when it comes to animal stuff, like they'd give a kid who doesn't care at all the opportunity to meet an animal before they would an adult who is actually interested. because... i don't know. i have no idea, it makes no sense to me. i was kinda salty about it and mad for a while, but at the end of the day i was bored and my phone was dying and i had to stick close to the front gate so bb could find me, soooo... i went and watched the last show of the day as well. lol. AND THEN I GOT TO GIVE MY DOLLAR TO THE RAVEN FINALLY. i shouldn't have given the first one at all, i don't know why i still donated after that, but whatever, they got two dollars from me.

anyway. that was the only bad time i had, and it still was kinda good because BURDS. FALCONRY. i love seeing falconry, it means a lot more to me now that one of my closest friends is a falconer. like a real falconer!! i KNOW a falconer personally. wtf. that's so epic. you make my life cooler. someday i will go visit her all the way in Utah and i'll meet her hawk and/or whatever she has at that time and yesss. if she was an in person friend instead of a long distance friend, i'm p sure i would get swept up in the falconry thing myself too.

things i bought there! i spent too much money ughhh but it's ren fest, you literally always do. the trick is spending too much money on GOOD stuff and not stuff you'll regret buying. i'm pretty sure i did a good job of that. even though i screwed up my savings a bit and MIGHT have delayed my new computer for a few more weeks. ugh i hope not. but you do what you gotta do.

- coyote tail. i had thought all that was sold at the fest were fox tails. i don't really know why but fox tails are a thing there, i think they're just a thing at ren fests in general because GARF has them too. i got my fox tail [silver morph, it's black with white tip] the first time i ever went to a ren fest in sixth grade. he's been with me a REALLY long ass time, like damn. so i had no need for another fox tail - although, it might be cool to collect a few more morphs and colors! i know that pelt enthusiasts do that. i'm more of a bone enthusiast when it comes to dead critters, but i LOVE pelts. they're just so expensive and take up space that i don't have atm xD. and i just have a really strong connection with bones.

but anyway. i asked the lady if all she had was fox tails, and she said nope! she also had coyote and wolf, and raccoon. i felt VERY drawn to the coyote tails and felt them for a while until i picked one that felt right. she is beautiful and perfect. i feel a lot of mistrust and dislike for humans from her, though. not aimed necessarily at me - i don't wanna sound too mary sue LOL, but it seems like she [conveniently] doesn't view me as a human? she ~*~sees my true nature~*~ lololol. i can't take that seriously. but honestly, that's how it seems to be, she doesn't view me as a human. i'll need to work with her on that. she doesn't have to learn to like humans or trust them, that's fine, she only needs to trust me.

- a brass[!] wax seal stamp and a stick of crimson red sealing-wax. yyyyyyyyYYYASS. bb's brother mentioned to me that the store that had these was at the festival now, and he said i would like it. boy was he right. it was a hard choice between the honeybee symbol or the snowflake symbol, but eventually the hexagons won out. haha. so i got that [it's BRASS i'm sorry i'm just excited about that] and some wax. i'll start practicing with candle-wax first, before i use up the nice wax made specifically for sealing. y'all don't understand, i've been looking into sealing-wax for YEARS. i'm super excited.

- a little pin with greyhounds on it, for donating to the foster group for retired racing greyhounds that operates out of the festival! i love those guys, kinda want a greyhound myself someday. and the pin is rly nice so yesss

- two, TWO leather bound journals from Poetic Earth. omg. the guy who owned it was there and he offered me a deal on two smallish ones that i couldn't refuse. they will be, like the first one i have with the whales, spiritual in nature, focusing on Spirit and inner life. they may be extensions or additions to the Book of Life, or even parts thereof. idk yet. i'm kinda toying with the idea of, gradually, buying six+ books from this shop and using them for the Book of Life and its parts. because they're not mass-produced, they're made by hand from this one guy, he makes the plates that burn the designs on the journal covers himself, by hand. so. YA. it's p great. i wouldn't want to bind the Book of Life in some really nice looking leather journals, but then someone comes along, looks at them and goes "oh, those are the journals from such and such store/website! i know those. i know where you bought those." bc gross. my spiritual books shouldn't be recognizably bought from a store. i mean, they were, but from a shop owned by the guy who made the products himself, not mass produced in a factory or some such.

also that guy's pagan as fuck and i love him, i love everyone at ren fest, fen fest is SO PAGAN holy shit. not /everyone/ is pagan, but there's such a huge concentration of pagans and pagan imagery in ren fest culture, it's wonderful. i love anywhere where i can feel immersed in people of "my faith" so to speak. we're so scattered and randomly dispersed by nature, it's so rare to find huge gatherings of them for me.

also i just looked at the online shop for Poetic Earth, and they have p much everything there. the guy wasn't lying, everything in the shop is cheaper than online, but they do have everything for sale there, just like 5 bucks more than during ren fest season. so if i just get a hankering for another Book of Life part for some reason, it's always available. i love the internet.

the journals that i got were a really little one [like 2.5x2.5"] with a latch on it and the cover embossed with kind of a flower petal sort of design? the pages also have random flower petals embedded in them here and there, very cool and interesting. the other one is a bit bigger, about 4x5", with a dragon on the back. the guy who took my money said i was lucky to find a dragon, they always sell SO quickly. i believe it. i found it all covered in dust [not necessarily meaning it'd been there a long time, ren fest is REALLY DUSTY, it's always fun cleaning all the dust out of your nose afterwards] at the back of a shelf in a corner. the only one i would have wanted more than that would be a pentacle, but they of course get snapped up too. i let Hiccup pick out the bigger one, so yeah of course he got the dragon.

in two days, it will be 9 years since Kris Johnson and Forrest's mother died. the only time a student death happened while i was in school. i didn't really know the guy, but that day really left a mark on me. watching all of my friends mourn, everyone i knew, we were all so fucked up. then going to the football game that night in the bitter cold... Forrest, whose mother had been killed in the accident that day, was on the football team, and he still played... we lost of course. my feet were numb from wearing chuck taylors in the cold for hours. i remember that day like it was yesterday. i bet Michael does, too. it happened during the period when we spent the most time together.

geez i can't believe we're already halfway through November ASDFJASD. this month needs to slow the hell down.

weird dream last night that i was burning candles on my altar in the fireplace, and stuff kept catching fire. every time i'd move around, something that was hidden to me started catching on fire while i couldn't see it. and i couldn't put the fire out. my favorite altar cloth burned away to nothing before i could stop it. weird, unsettling symbology in that dream.

won't really get to see bb today until after work, but i'm fine with that actually. after the craziness of yesterday, a day alone is perfect. i feel myself unwinding just as i need to. just gonna clean up, gonna get a bit of art done... yep.

kinda feel like moving my room around, i moved it into this position exactly a year ago today. i also feel like really really cleaning my room super good, and THIS time, i have another body around! a body that's stronger than mine, better at/more into cleaning, and not depressed so will most likely be better at keeping it that way than i would alone. i kinda want to leave my bed where it is, but i want to move my art table more towards the windows. i like the natural light. idk, it might not work squeezing the art table and bed together like that though. don't know, will have to talk to bb about it and see what he thinks.  i might not do anything after all, lol. we're only going to be able to live here for like six months more, so, it might not even be worth it. /shrug.

anyway. on that slightly distressing note, i think i'm done writing for now. gonna get some cleaning done, declutter my tables so that my new journals can soak up good energy [putting good vibes and energy into my new things is like REALLY intrinsically important to me! i always seem to put work into that without even thinking about it or prompting myself, it's just naturally something that matters to me haha]. and make food~! maybe take a nap, i'm working ten hours tonight and definitely not gonna be that tired again tonight.