T. B. A. S.

the time changed!!! in the middle of my work shift last night. sooo i ended up working nine hours rather than eight. plus the normal half an hour late, so i basically get to work two ten hour days in a row. woooo. @_@ i woke up at 1 exactly, and i'm not sure whether that means i woke up at [the old] noon, like normal, or if i slept all the way until 2.

applied for a job at best buy today. caleb, my friend from work is starting there soon, he quit working with me. :c but i have his number! i'mma tell him that i did it. i saw him last night.

last night was pretty busy, pretty rough. but only about 1/4th as bad as last weekend. even though day close went on for ages, even though we were quite busy. it was more like a normal saturday than THE SATURDAY FROM HELL like last week. i was almost overcome with anxiety about how bad it might be, but it wasn't that bad. it helps that i pushed really hard to get things done on time because i knew once 12 or 1 hit, we'd get really behind. also helped that we had that extra hour to deal with customers.

so, it's November. and i think diving headfirst into NaNoWriMo would do more harm than good, but i'm gonna try to write about headworld more this month. i'm carefully refraining from saying anytthing specific that i have in mind because i tend to set myself up to fail that way, so i'm gonna just let it grow.

man, going through timehop... i recognize myself pretty well through 2010, but starting in 2009 is when the writing seems... not me. i guess i had a pretty sharp break in personality after that point. it's not exactly Thirteen either, but and i repeat, she is not exactly who she was back when she was the main fronter, so. [also i was... pretty freakin ignorant back then ahaha >_>]

and another rune just SHOT into my head like a lightning bolt. again. god damn. my first thought is that this is Trolley's, but i'm not certain. i might have written it in the wrong color, i just used neutral black ink.
inspiration feels like possession to me. feels like? is. my eyes suddenly lose focus and stare wide and i drop whatever i'm doing and reach for the nearest paper and writing instrument and start scribbling. no thought. my eyes usually don't even focus for that, i don't need to, i just have to get it down RIGHT NOW. no wonder people thought in the past that inspiration came from the gods. i mean, that's how i feel too, it's just that the gods don't live up in the clouds or in heaven or outer space, they live inside me, and they're just /my/ gods. and sometimes they're not strictly gods.

it's november. this is Shivers' month. i should find him, i don't see him much anymore but i feel him enough to know that he's still around. i've never really known what his purpose is, never quite understood it. sometimes the sick parts of my subconscious used him like a puppet, made him the "face" of it... but that's not really what he is, what he's about, despite his demeanor.

some info about Shivers: he first made himself known to me in 2005. he is superficially similar in the face to Kyo, who was very closely tied to me/Thirteen and the front back then as she was our fursona before she became her own person. he has the same ears and muzzle as her, but beaten up and twisted as if they'd been broken and healed misshapen. he has no 'headfur' and instead of a long fluffy tail, he has the tail of a chameleon, curled up at the tip, with little spines running down his back and tail. he has one white eye crossed out, and the other eye bulging out of his skull, whirring in all directions seemingly randomly. i've never seen him not wearing a huge face-breaking grin, showing all his teeth. his fur is a uniform royal blue kind of color. from the knees down he has, rather than legs, long skinny stilts that bring his height up to about 11 feet. he is named for the way he stutters and staggers around on those stilts, and the shuddering, halting way he speaks and moves, almost like he has a neurological disorder.

you know, i never thought about it, but Kyo is so closely tied to me and the Bloodline that she... might actually count as one of them... i almost NEVER see her around these days, which tbh is a pretty bad sign i think regarding our mental health... i need to find her and see if she is part of the Bloodline! i have regarded her as a main fronter. she might actually be the missing link between Thirteen and myself, or one of them at least?!

hoo. wow. i'm filled to the brim. breathing out holy blue-white smoke. i'm a medium. i can't focus my eyes properly. i feel like they're two spheres of quicksilver churning in my eye sockets. i'm opening a new document.

i'm alone. locked my door. now it's time to let the monsters out to play. take over my fingertips.

two individuals told me their full names the other day.
Summer Jameson and Marshal[l?] Tobias Wallace.
Marshall's song that describes him pretty well is Toby, Take A Bow by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone. he chose his middle and i believe last names for this song. Summer funnily enough chose her name from a Littlest Pet Shop toy. there's one named Princess Stori Jameson that i had to get because, while i am otherwise pretty disgusted by what LPS has become vs what it was like when i was a kid, this is the first time I've EVER seen anyone besides my old friend Stori with the same spelling and everything. so I took one home to give to her the next time I see her. and Summer thought that Jameson was such a nice, classy sounding "lush" name - "lush" is her word - that she adopted it. i think she just wants to sound like a rich brat. >:p also, as far as i know, Summer doesn't have a middle name. it's uncommon for headworld people not to have at least three, so she may adopt another one, or she may just be contrary. we'll see.
bathroom break, then i'll return.
---
Marshall: he actually does somewhat remind me of Marshal the squirrel in my animal crossing game. i don't think he is a squirrel? but i think he might have a similar facial expression if i drew him in a silly chibi style like that. and they have similar tastes in things. i guess that means my Marshall is a "smug" personality type. lmao.
note: Marshall seems to stylize his middle name sometimes as Toby, writing his full name as Marshall Toby Wallace.

on Howl.
we're still not sure what to do with him. i'm still not sure what his pure form is, or if he even has one. he is a shapeshifter.
so far, he's me. he's my fursona. and i suspect that the black piscivorous dragon i've been feeling like is a form that he/I can access. the cat anthro shape he usually assumes when i draw him is just midway between a cat and human shape. he can change it as he pleases, being a shapeshifter. i don't think it's possible for me to have a persona/fursona/anything that's NOT some type of shapeshifter.
he is me, and yet in headspace I'm not calling myself Howl, nor does anyone think of me primarily as him. he is a shape that i can access. i'm not sure what to think of it. so i guess his human form would just be... me? or at least headspace!me?
something I do know: most forms he takes [human being one notable exception] are typically still black with the white forehead star. the white belly/feet/tail probably don't carry over to every form, but they might in some.
headspace!me might actually start bearing the forehead star?

i really like mucca pazza. they're kinda like a drunk, partying marching band. that's sometimes partially naked. alrighty then. so like marching band without the discipline. yep.

anyway. next topic;
the Bloodline.
not sure how to describe this, but thoughts on it are as follows... basically the Bloodline so far as we know consists of me [Oliver/"Howl"], Thirteen[SKW/Threefold Wolf etc], and some unknown others. some may be part Bloodline due to being made up of older beings who have been recycled by the system? not sure.
what we know that the Bloodline have in common: so far they all have a similar facial appearance when human which resembles the body, they all have the same birthday [5/19], and they are all Order members. these may be criteria or they may not be.
people of the Bloodline seem to have special influence over headspace that most do not. it's like ken, but a little different, a little more instinctual. it's suspected that the Bloodline are what passes as this system's "core", but rather than the core being one individual it's a sort of "niche" that different beings occupy within different time periods, and being put in that position gives you certain qualities.

a thought:
Thirteen still bears ties to the body's full legal name. she is the only one who is "used" to being called that name, as she was the main fronter when that was commonplace. she seems to intend on keeping those ties. i'm fine with this, as she keeps them deeply secret and no one, but no one, is allowed to access or use them for herself or me or anyone. she very well might come up with a new name based on those initials, or a codeword that includes them. she is also fond of the name Tabitha, which is a name that the body's mother planned to name us had she gotten her way. so. there's that.

on Summer:
summer age slides between approximately 9 to 15, possibly not quite that old. she fluctuates between late elementary, middle, and early high school age.
she is usually human, but when i drew her in furry form she was a pika. though pikas are quite plump and she is anything but [and being a preteen girl she is very adamant about everyone knowing that fact], so this may change in the future if she ever lets me draw her furry again. she doesn't really like that i don't/can't draw her human very well.
she is caucasian but quite tan, with dirty blond hair and hazel eyes and lots of freckles. she has long legs and, when she's a bit older, small [mid A-B cup] boobies. she's probably around 120-130 lbs at heaviest.