T. B. A. S.

DUNNO WHAT 2 WRITE feeling kinda wonky today physically. i dunno. i guess i haven't eaten that well? or drunk enough water? or something?

day off though yas. went back to save point again and they DID replace my speaker bUT LOL IT'S ALL FUCKED UP and makes hilarious screaming noises... we were out of time tho so we're going back next week to get it fixed again and hopefully this time they'll also have power cables for slim ps2, bc i've been looking for one of those forever

ALSO i posted a FUCKING REALLY CUTE SELFIE THAT I TOOK THIS AFTERNOON on tumblr. like. wow how did i get that much cute in one photo wow. and it's getting lots of notes because of the trans day of visibility. which is nice.
but THEN one of my followers who i didn't follow [til now] but who i see reblogging my stuff all the time responded saying they live in charlotte too! and I'm always curious about local people, always wanna make a new friend. so i look on their blog. and. i see some falconry posts. and i'm like aw cool they like falconry!
but then i see them post stuff in tags like "Igor does this to me!"
like uh
um
... ur a falconer aren't u. a falconer in Charlotte. a falconer in Charlotte who might want to hang out with me.
and like my blood pressure dropped. and my instinctive reaction was fear. LOL. not social anxiety just like. i felt the ripple go through my life. like WELLP HERE IT IS.

... i'm not saying a damn thing hahahah because THIS FUCKING YEAR THO. this year man. repeatedly i have said "no i am absolutely not doing the thing" and then immediately thereafter, i do the thing. so i'm not saying a word. except that they namedropped birds that i recognize from the local renaissance festival, the falconer there and his birds. they work with that group i'm pretty sure. holy shit. like. ok i'm gonna say it. this might be my in into falconry. which ISN'T RLY EVEN A THING THAT I'VE ACTIVELY PURSUED. but my best best best friend is so into it, like it's such a huge part of their life that it's part of my life by association. and i think to myself sometimes i wonder what the falconry community is here in charlotte. like what is it like. where do they meet up. and. wellp. here it might be, poking its little feet out at me. sooo yeah. gonna do my best to get in touch and meet up with that person soon and hopefully make a new friend at the very least and talk to them about falconry stuff and like. YAH. YEAH MAN. POINTY CHICKENS. MAYBE REALLY NEAR TO ME SOON.

also they reblogged a photo of the andean condor that i met that one time in Georgia and who nibbled my hand and omg. can i feel like that's a sign of good things. am i allowed.

IDK MAN I'M EXCITED ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT BUT ALSO I'M SCURR FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER LOL. ALSO I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SPACE TO HOUSE ANY SORT OF RAPTOR SO LOL. no thoughts of that really but still. STILL. WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD IM SCARED

edit: did i mention that they're into dead things and talk to bone spirits/do preservation work too and are a wildlife rehabilitator and work at a wolf sanctuary and have a huge fat n happy pet corn snake and. omg. what have u done by letting me know of ur presence

HEY SUP

i'm feeling really good rn because i went on an inadvertent sorta hike through the PARK TODAY and it turned out to be a really huge and nice park in a pine forest with TWO big ponds and water flow and yes. very nice. nicer than i expected. and i was really tired at the end but man it's good to have a place to walk in the woods. there's places out there i wouldn't believe i was in the middle of Charlotte, i'd think i was transported back into union county's backwoods nowhere, if there weren't low flying planes going overhead every few minutes. [which doesn't bother me, it just makes hiccup REALLY EXCITED EVERY SINGLE TIME LOL. maybe he'll get used to it eventually. maybe.]

hiccup was also excited by DOGS. the dog park. DOGS EVERYWHERE. so many happy excited playing running dogs oh my god. he was vibrating wanting to go in there and play and wrestle with them all. if only we had... any kind of availability in our life i'd get that boy a dog. but we couldn't possibly care for one well enough rn. sorry bro. :< but i'm sure they will all kiss you and play with you!!

PHEW YEAH that's p much been it, talked to Bird and also Tulia today and it was lovely and yes. i love talking to them all so much aaaahhhhhHH

oh also while out walking i actually had Trolley come up and speak to me. that was crazy. you FEEL her words more than hear them. her presence felt like roots growing out through my fingertips into the earth as she spoke to me of the depth of time and how there was something here before anything, even the pond, whether it was human made or not, it didn't matter. something had always been there before. long before. and i felt the vines crawling over my back and the roots shooting out of my hands as she spoke, softly, directly into my soul.

oh and when i first woke up i felt kinda like shit but then i decided to like JUST CALL UP BIRD ON THE PHONE??? when was the last time i called someone for pleasure just to talk to them??? it's probably been like eight years or more what the fuck. i never do that rofl. phone calls give me such anxiety but i decided to do it anyway and yeah my heart was pounding like always when the phone rings but i... like.. felt good. it felt natural and not awkward. and we talked and laughed and discussed plans for like 45 minutes and when i hung up [because bb had made me his omelet] it felt like the right amount of time, not cut short or drawn out too long, and i actually didn't feel drained. what. what is even happening to me this year omg.

yeah so i'm gonna make myself a gigantic bowl of cereal because I'M ACTUALLY REALY TRULY AN ADULT LEGIT I'M ON A LEASE AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WHOOP ITS A GOOD DAY