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thebrokenarrowsToday's daily draw, #8: "What rules unconsciously govern my life?"
draw: The Queen of Pentacles
[really interesting since I did a lot of learning about the Pentacles suit last night with Amanda for our pokemon tarot stuff. makes me think about giving and what i've been learning about the act of giving one's self. Learning that the self, in my case, is actually worth something and people sometimes, surprise, want to receive that. Haha]
SO having a lot of thoughts because of last night. [Which was fucking GREAT CAN I JUST SAY LOL I was in THE best mood from like 2 am onward and it didn't even happen to me lol. Just. Ugh. I love u two so much like as individuals and also I love u together. You're so good for each other. It makes me cry hahah] And the conversation this morning too. Making me think a whole lot about different expressions. How two different people will use a different personal 'language' to express the same feeling, and how easy it can be to make yourself think it's not the same feeling, just because you don't express it in the same way.
Like. Okay. This is nerdy, this is SO nerdy. But take Ruby and Sapphire from SU. Think about those two. They obviously love each other, right? And they would express their feelings for each other in distinctly different ways, wouldn't you say? Maybe Ruby would be more likely to be more loud and vocal and kinda flashy about it, maybe more prone to Shouting From The Rooftops[tm] about how strong her feelings are, but Sapphire would probably let her actions speak more than her words. That's exactly the same feeling, but coming from two different angles, so they show through differently. Neither one has stronger or lesser feelings. Neither one is 'broken' or has something wrong with them. They have different styles and they complement each other well.
That's an analogy that came to me in the shower lol and tbh it's really accurate to how I'm thinking right now. Me, I like to write things out. That's why I'm writing this entry right now. I love to make long winded kinda rambly explanations detailing my thoughts and feelings. It helps me work out the simmering froth of emotions I may be feeling at any given time, lol. Seeing them laid out in front of me like that. I don't think that means your feelings are lesser because you don't feel the same compulsion that I do.
But that's not all there is to it, is there? There's another facet. And that is that I'm an artist, and a performer, and a writer too in a way. The whole experience of being a performing artist, for me anyway, is showing vulnerable things, true things about yourself to other people and seeing their reaction happen in front of you. Seeing that those things GET a reaction. Watching yourself having a profound impact on other people, realizing that you can get inside them, make them feel something real because of you. That always hits me right in the gut and I crave it. And when it's from someone I care that much about... it increases by a hundredfold. Almost feels addictive haha. Seeing that I make waves in you when I tell you how I feel. Makes me desperate for you to know, to KNOW what you make me feel. So I tell you in as many words as I can muster.
I feel like maybe I'm more like Ruby, and you're more like Sapphire, to return to my nerdy comparison. Maybe things will be made more obvious when we share the same physical space. Another thing I can't wait to find out. <333
In slightly more mundane news.. It's tropical storm season~! And like IN THE FIRST WEEK of it here comes the first storm, called Ana, and it just happens to be forming on the Carolina coast lmao. No hurricane strength with this one, not anywhere close, but it means we can look forward to a LOAD of rain and maybe some winds over the weekend. I'm here 4 this. As long as I hopefully don't have to drive through a heavy storm because the literal only thing I don't like about storms is driving in them.
draw: The Queen of Pentacles
[really interesting since I did a lot of learning about the Pentacles suit last night with Amanda for our pokemon tarot stuff. makes me think about giving and what i've been learning about the act of giving one's self. Learning that the self, in my case, is actually worth something and people sometimes, surprise, want to receive that. Haha]
SO having a lot of thoughts because of last night. [Which was fucking GREAT CAN I JUST SAY LOL I was in THE best mood from like 2 am onward and it didn't even happen to me lol. Just. Ugh. I love u two so much like as individuals and also I love u together. You're so good for each other. It makes me cry hahah] And the conversation this morning too. Making me think a whole lot about different expressions. How two different people will use a different personal 'language' to express the same feeling, and how easy it can be to make yourself think it's not the same feeling, just because you don't express it in the same way.
Like. Okay. This is nerdy, this is SO nerdy. But take Ruby and Sapphire from SU. Think about those two. They obviously love each other, right? And they would express their feelings for each other in distinctly different ways, wouldn't you say? Maybe Ruby would be more likely to be more loud and vocal and kinda flashy about it, maybe more prone to Shouting From The Rooftops[tm] about how strong her feelings are, but Sapphire would probably let her actions speak more than her words. That's exactly the same feeling, but coming from two different angles, so they show through differently. Neither one has stronger or lesser feelings. Neither one is 'broken' or has something wrong with them. They have different styles and they complement each other well.
That's an analogy that came to me in the shower lol and tbh it's really accurate to how I'm thinking right now. Me, I like to write things out. That's why I'm writing this entry right now. I love to make long winded kinda rambly explanations detailing my thoughts and feelings. It helps me work out the simmering froth of emotions I may be feeling at any given time, lol. Seeing them laid out in front of me like that. I don't think that means your feelings are lesser because you don't feel the same compulsion that I do.
But that's not all there is to it, is there? There's another facet. And that is that I'm an artist, and a performer, and a writer too in a way. The whole experience of being a performing artist, for me anyway, is showing vulnerable things, true things about yourself to other people and seeing their reaction happen in front of you. Seeing that those things GET a reaction. Watching yourself having a profound impact on other people, realizing that you can get inside them, make them feel something real because of you. That always hits me right in the gut and I crave it. And when it's from someone I care that much about... it increases by a hundredfold. Almost feels addictive haha. Seeing that I make waves in you when I tell you how I feel. Makes me desperate for you to know, to KNOW what you make me feel. So I tell you in as many words as I can muster.
I feel like maybe I'm more like Ruby, and you're more like Sapphire, to return to my nerdy comparison. Maybe things will be made more obvious when we share the same physical space. Another thing I can't wait to find out. <333
In slightly more mundane news.. It's tropical storm season~! And like IN THE FIRST WEEK of it here comes the first storm, called Ana, and it just happens to be forming on the Carolina coast lmao. No hurricane strength with this one, not anywhere close, but it means we can look forward to a LOAD of rain and maybe some winds over the weekend. I'm here 4 this. As long as I hopefully don't have to drive through a heavy storm because the literal only thing I don't like about storms is driving in them.
