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thebrokenarrowsSUCH A GOOD FRICKIN DAY just yes. wow. had a really hard weekend so i feel like i deserve today.
SO YA we're in. we're on the lease, signed my name away. february will be our last month totally rent-free. i'm just so glad. rly glad about all this. finally we can BREATHE. and we may get to move in before mid march or whatever, we really don't know what's gonna happen yet so i guess we'll just... remain 75% packed up and wait it out to see what happens lol. it works for me.
so ya then we went the EXTREMELY SHORT TRIP from the apartments to Save Point Games and just. oh god. love. that place is way too damn close to my new home lmfao. just went in there and picked up a couple replacement wiimote protectors [bc the brother wrecked the ones that we've had forever] and Metroid Prime for the gamecube, which i'll try out in a little while. i don't even mind if the gamecube can't play it bc i'm fixing to be able to just drive 5 miles from the house and drop $30 on a 'new' gamecube. which is on the list of stuff to buy from there lol. along with a cable for the little ps2 and other things that i can't think of right now.
and we stopped by subway and SURPRISE this happened to be the subway where my old manager works now! we only worked together for like three months so not that big a deal in the long run, but i was like woah sup!! she asked me if i still had a turkey wing in my car LOL. i guess that's what she knew me for. [in retrospect i rly shouldn't have kept that preserved bird wing in my hot car. no wonder it's so sticky now around the bone -^-] so yeah saw her for the first time in forever. that was cool. glad i'm so far removed from that old job that it wasn't weird or awkward for me at all.
yup. good day. and now the sun's setting and i'm tired from the short amount of sleep that i got but now we can relax a bit. it's nice. so nice.
inner life stuff:
- hiccup and me are getting so close it's ridic. just a really good fronting team. i'm becoming kinda self conscious about not paying attention to most of headspace besides my immediate fronting vicinity which usually includes Hiccup and a couple others. it's kinda like the internal version of staying in my room all day. but it's just something i'm going through right now. and i think folks understand that.
- the River. i have learned of its existence but not its name. Thirteen told me about an offering that needs to be made, most likely blood. nothing violent, just... introducing myself on the River [and its spirit]'s terms. imagery of flood waters, the water version of plains fires, harsh but necessary cleansing. and there's Irelia on the horizon, the great orca in the stormcloud, the matriarch female with the huge bull dorsal fin. that's how i see her. a female, dominant in orca culture, but with that giant tall fin, flashes of black and white showing through a stormcloud, an ominous eyepatch peeking out. i'm going to have to introduce myself to her, too.
- that fucking Shearwater album permeating my entire existence. some song or other from that album is constantly floating through my head and has been for like a week. it's so so important. i need to get more Shearwater but rn i'm just too tired. just gonna plug in my ps2 and put on Avatar because hiccup needs to watch that and i've been meaning to get around to it for a long ass time. watch a movie in bed and r e l a x. finally.
- moved the last stuff out of the room. [they're painting over the grey and blue walls whhhyyyy TT___TT i worked SO hard on those and they're so damn beautiful but apparently the grandmother 'won't like it'... im cry those walls are so beautiful even they agree wtf man. rip my beautiful hard work] my last act was to formally close up the altar space for good. i let it get dirty and stagnant, and temporarily closed it before, but this was a permanent goodbye. as with all good witchcraft, it was improvised as i went along, doing what felt right.
this time what felt right was approaching the altar from the middle of the room, bowing on all fours and touching my forehead to the [now carpet-bare hardwood] floor in reverence, as i had so many times before. thanking all the spirits i had spoken to and communed with here. then after a moment of silent reverence, abruptly standing up and clapping sharply into the echoing silence, as if to scare off an animal that had gotten too close. immediately turned on my heel and walked out of the room, at normal speed, but not looking back. i felt shadows following after me, nameless vibes and echoes, and felt chills run over my back, little pangs of inexplicable anxiety as i walked away from that sacred space, feeling the long maintained wards finally collapse down from the walls and floor. i just felt like it was important to formally close it up, say a loud and clear goodbye, not just drift away and let it be forgotten.
SO YA we're in. we're on the lease, signed my name away. february will be our last month totally rent-free. i'm just so glad. rly glad about all this. finally we can BREATHE. and we may get to move in before mid march or whatever, we really don't know what's gonna happen yet so i guess we'll just... remain 75% packed up and wait it out to see what happens lol. it works for me.
so ya then we went the EXTREMELY SHORT TRIP from the apartments to Save Point Games and just. oh god. love. that place is way too damn close to my new home lmfao. just went in there and picked up a couple replacement wiimote protectors [bc the brother wrecked the ones that we've had forever] and Metroid Prime for the gamecube, which i'll try out in a little while. i don't even mind if the gamecube can't play it bc i'm fixing to be able to just drive 5 miles from the house and drop $30 on a 'new' gamecube. which is on the list of stuff to buy from there lol. along with a cable for the little ps2 and other things that i can't think of right now.
and we stopped by subway and SURPRISE this happened to be the subway where my old manager works now! we only worked together for like three months so not that big a deal in the long run, but i was like woah sup!! she asked me if i still had a turkey wing in my car LOL. i guess that's what she knew me for. [in retrospect i rly shouldn't have kept that preserved bird wing in my hot car. no wonder it's so sticky now around the bone -^-] so yeah saw her for the first time in forever. that was cool. glad i'm so far removed from that old job that it wasn't weird or awkward for me at all.
yup. good day. and now the sun's setting and i'm tired from the short amount of sleep that i got but now we can relax a bit. it's nice. so nice.
inner life stuff:
- hiccup and me are getting so close it's ridic. just a really good fronting team. i'm becoming kinda self conscious about not paying attention to most of headspace besides my immediate fronting vicinity which usually includes Hiccup and a couple others. it's kinda like the internal version of staying in my room all day. but it's just something i'm going through right now. and i think folks understand that.
- the River. i have learned of its existence but not its name. Thirteen told me about an offering that needs to be made, most likely blood. nothing violent, just... introducing myself on the River [and its spirit]'s terms. imagery of flood waters, the water version of plains fires, harsh but necessary cleansing. and there's Irelia on the horizon, the great orca in the stormcloud, the matriarch female with the huge bull dorsal fin. that's how i see her. a female, dominant in orca culture, but with that giant tall fin, flashes of black and white showing through a stormcloud, an ominous eyepatch peeking out. i'm going to have to introduce myself to her, too.
- that fucking Shearwater album permeating my entire existence. some song or other from that album is constantly floating through my head and has been for like a week. it's so so important. i need to get more Shearwater but rn i'm just too tired. just gonna plug in my ps2 and put on Avatar because hiccup needs to watch that and i've been meaning to get around to it for a long ass time. watch a movie in bed and r e l a x. finally.
- moved the last stuff out of the room. [they're painting over the grey and blue walls whhhyyyy TT___TT i worked SO hard on those and they're so damn beautiful but apparently the grandmother 'won't like it'... im cry those walls are so beautiful even they agree wtf man. rip my beautiful hard work] my last act was to formally close up the altar space for good. i let it get dirty and stagnant, and temporarily closed it before, but this was a permanent goodbye. as with all good witchcraft, it was improvised as i went along, doing what felt right.
this time what felt right was approaching the altar from the middle of the room, bowing on all fours and touching my forehead to the [now carpet-bare hardwood] floor in reverence, as i had so many times before. thanking all the spirits i had spoken to and communed with here. then after a moment of silent reverence, abruptly standing up and clapping sharply into the echoing silence, as if to scare off an animal that had gotten too close. immediately turned on my heel and walked out of the room, at normal speed, but not looking back. i felt shadows following after me, nameless vibes and echoes, and felt chills run over my back, little pangs of inexplicable anxiety as i walked away from that sacred space, feeling the long maintained wards finally collapse down from the walls and floor. i just felt like it was important to formally close it up, say a loud and clear goodbye, not just drift away and let it be forgotten.
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