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bird leaving in a couple hours ish, gonna be gone all weekend. always sad when that happens but she comes back with such good stories. and like i wanted to talk some about how different it felt for me last time. try to suss out what exactly my thoughts are because it keeps coming back up.
i think last time they went was... late march??? which is ridic now that i think about it, too long. and that was before The Night The Computer Blew Up, which was kind of a rly important milestone between us i think, and before a lot of other smaller and also important days that have led us to where we are now. but the last time i remember spending rather obsessively and piningly, passing the days hurting and wanting something that i believed was off limits. unreachable. little did i know it was basically in my hands already and i couldn't let myself see it. i will of course miss her and the whole System but i don't think it will be nearly the same. which is amazing to me. mindblowing. something i've been struggling to internalize for months seems to have finally worked its way under my skin and now... i feel rather unstoppable.
this coming after that really important conversation we had about waiting around too much to actually live life. that talk kinda sucked at the time and i was really embarassed talking about these ugly parts of myself, but it was what got me off my butt and into that hike in the park. [did i write about that? me and bb found some old plantation house ruins in the woods. and i saw my first live crawdad in a deep stream pool and it was awesome.]
on another note while out today [picked up some games/a gameboy pocket/a rly cute NDS carry case that looks like a gigantic DS lite which cost a dollar :D] i saw crows doing mid air flight maneuvers and realized that the weird magnetism feelings i'd been having weren't kinfeels for ME, exactly, [which i knew. i align with corvids a lot but not identify as such] but they're kinfeels for hiccup. he's a crow. i mean no, he's a DRAGON, but as a bird he would absolutely be a plain ol' crow. a little beaten up but the best fucking flier in the sky and he knows it. that's his vibe for sure.
got home after that trip and wanted to play my game but just didn't have the attention span or interest to really learn the megaman game, so i turned it off after a couple minutes. it's ok. i want to involve bb in that game anyway, he's the one with megaman experience. so then i cleaned up and organized my gaming station which i tend to do after every trip to save point [which is awesome, because it gets awful cluttered LOL]. and it looks better than ever if you ask me. i love a good organized gaming shelf. my situation isn't perfect but it works well.
you know i might bring that gameboy pocket with me to work. because it's so tiny and adorable i love it. i think i have triple-A batteries in the car, but i sure don't have 'em in the house LOL. ugh i should just invest in rechargeable batteries for my old battery dependent handhelds tbh. once upon a time my parents bought us some for this exact reason, those old green ones. but i lost em. i start to feel irresponsible remembering this, but then i remind myself that this was like TEN TO TWELVE YEARS AGO LOL and they would be ancient by now.
just kinda tired today and it's okay. my feet are slowly recovering from the hike, and by that i mean the hike immediately followed by work and exacerbated by continued work shifts. and then there's the eleven hour shift coming tomorrow LOL... and a possible trip to carowinds on monday... my feet are never gonna forgive me.
but. short shift tonight. should be a breeze i think. busy enough to make the time go by while not being A SATURDAY. and tomorrow will need... a lot of spoons saved up lol. glad bb will be here. we're gonna chill out hardcore together. he may be getting us some whiskey actually which Kris would fucking adore. i've been jonesing for some whiskey but he has been like ten times harder. too bad the house of leaves won't be around for that haha. <3
