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Y'know what? Today deserves an entry.
Got my Eevee socks on and feeling like an Eevee tonight.
My mental health has sucked dick this week, and honestly for a while now it's been worsening, but today I managed to keep the demons away. Fought em off with new things and variety and craft projects and the things I adore. And never once felt compelled to belittle my hobbies because they're "childish" or w/e like I often do lately.
We went to Target today and picked up some things!!
- an ostrich feather duster, because bb says we need one. hey if it makes the house cleaner. [and if we can keep murphy from eating it]
- some of that wolfthorn deodorant from oldspice pfftt. I'll admit I'm a sucker for their animal series stuff :v and also the thorn name derp
- mod podge!! how did we not own any. and two black posterboards for a project
- some sponges, but not the green and yellow ones because those are a little bit triggery for me. but i didn't even consider that there would be others! so instead we got some cute yellow and pink ones that have little images of forks and spoons and cups on them :'3 how lovely. now we just gotta keep them from being smelly and moldy and i will be pretty much trigger free as long as our dishes don't get rotten [like they were today until bb washed them finally *0*]
- some clothes for me!! we meant to get me swim trunks but ehhh they didn't have any that i liked. [except in kids sizes because of course e_e] so instead i got a pair of shorts that actually fits! and isn't falling apart! and is really nice, just basic grey camo cargo shorts, my go-to for literally over a decade. and they also had a polaroid shirt omg!! i had to buy that one. it's one size bigger than i would have got but they were almost all gone, i'm lucky they had them at all! so i nabbed it and i'm wearing it now. i'll take it off before work but :D
- a scale! finally to weigh myself on. it has lil river pebble textures on it for sensory stuff for me. 83
- motherfuggin EEVEELUTION SOCKS... OMG. i thought they were kid only size and wanted to cry but then bb found adult sizes. omg. it has Eevee, the oldschool trio of 'lutions, and a poke ball and masterball designs, so six pairs total. I LUV FANCY SOX. especially really cute pokemon sox. :333
other than that.... i finished today a puzzle of Termina that I had been working on for a couple of days [e.g. the land of majora's mask, my favorite game of all time]. yesterday i was so depressed and i just kept doing this puzzle to keep from self harming. so thx zelda. today i glued the puzzle together and glued it to the posterboard, and since the posterboard was a little bigger, i wrote with gel pen on the black board some quotes from the game that i've always found personal or inspiring or important. i even highlighted certain phrases like they do in the game by writing in a different color of ink. :3 i'm gonna hang it up in the playroom! along with the pic of Opal that i had drawn for me at free comic book day a while back! [did i talk about that? it wasn't a v good time but i got TONS of comics, both free and not free]
this morning i laid out on the porch in the sunbeam with murphy, who flopped and scooted his little body around and purrrrrredddd super loudly. he was playful and happy and what a blissful kitty. <3 and it was lovely to lay in the sun and feel its radiance beam down on me. i got a little bit of sun at FCBD, and now my freckles are really standing out on my skin this summer already :D
made some dinner! the kitchen is sooo much easier to navigate now that it's just us and everything is ours, and nothing is anyone else's territory to worry about. just smashed up an avocado with some fried eggs and alfalfa sprouts. v good v good. and while i was in there i put away all the dishes that bb washed this morning! not exactly heavy cleaning but i organized everything, and prepared food for myself at work tonight, and overall felt very proud of myself ^w^
tomorrow is the 15th, which means my full-tilt diet is officially over! i did in fact lose weight even though i didn't really give it 100%, and didn't work out all that much. i lost at least ten pounds, most likely more. i weigh 226 now, last i checked was in february or march [before rms moved out and took their scale with them] and i weighed ten more than that. and since i suddenly obtained shitloads of stretch marks since then, i know i have gained more weight than that since then, maybe as much as 245 or 250 lbs at my heaviest, so that means i have almost certainly lost more than ten pounds on the diet. which is fantastic. imagine what i'd do if i actually worked my ass off lol. i successfully went without touching rice, bread, tortillas or any grain product whatsoever [with the exception of crispbread which is the most dry and minimal source of no carbs ever, less than crackers]. i didn't touch ANY heavy carb foods, but i did imbibe a little sugar here and there [e.g. an icee, a donut, a cake pop, a cookie, a sip of bb's Surge the other night] but only roughly once a week did this happen if at all. soon i can have little nibbles of sweet things more often and it's okay :D!!
speaking of sweets! we ordered my cake today. aaaah!!! i've never ordered a cae in my life before i'm so excited! i gave them a card sleeve from pokekyun to scan and print on the cake aaahh it's gonna be so cute. shoulda told them to decorate it with Sylveon ribbons lol!! but maybe that'd be too complicated for this place. [ooh and i bet if i walked to Aggie's on my birthday they'd give me a free ice cream 83 and i would also love going out for birthday sushi... yeeees] i can't wait! it also came out while they were asking what i wanted on it that it was for me HAHA the lady was like "So do you want a specific number on there? Is it for a younger child or...?"
"Uh, sure, put 25th"
"Oh! ... Is this for YOUR birthday?"
HAHA it was pretty cute she grinned a lot at that. Bb was embarrassed for me I guess? but I wasn't embarrassed at all, I'm far beyond being embarrassed by such things as ordering my own birthday cake with Pokemon on it ;3
After the cake order we went to Save Point next door, and bb picked up bioshock infinite [which i will def be playing, that game man] and also an old pokemon gold and silver pokedex manual! which i mostly wanted because it has ALLLL of the old amazing watercolor Sugimori art from back in the day that i want to emulate so bad. heck yes.
oh and when i get my birthday present, which will hopefully be a super nintendo, i wanna temporarily set it up in the living room on the flatscreen tv 83 and play ma games on there. hell yeah.
last thing today, Beth actually saw me posting about rave clothes and stuff that i used to wear and she showed me a link to a HUGE sale on phat pants [these really big huge pocketed, really expensive rave pants] that were like 70% off. so i totally bought myself a pair. because yes. it's been a decade and i still adore those pants even if the bottoms get all messed up from walking in them, they're meant to go to the floor anyway! so YA i'm gonna own those and my wardrobe will be a little more colorful
so yes with the power of shopping i turned a bad week into a lovely Saturday! we'll see how work and stuff goes but today was wonderful and i'm savoring it <3
past:
- the other night i went to Abari, the game bar! they have arcade games [both old and a new one which is a four player coop game? idk], pinball and a little corner with various retro consoles to play, that is if you can ever EVER get a spot on the couch lol! it was pretty great! i had a margarita, bb had a gin and tonic [ew] and a vodka with cranberry [yum!] and... a Surge? lol?? they sell booze and also Surge. i guess it's a gamer drink somehow now :V or maybe just because it's retro lmaooo. i love Surge negl so i had a few tiny TINY sips. i really loved that place ngl! that was the first bar i've EVER EVER been to and actually enjoyed myself, didn't feel scared or claustrophobic, i kinda expected an ass grab or being grossly rubbed on while my hands were busy playing games but nobody bothered me at all except to ask to join a game or something. it was great :D! i'm totally going back there.
- steven universe is back and maaannn it was amazing. thats all pretty much. it was so good and i'm so glad the show is at least back for a few weeks!
- WORK STUFF.... eehhh. part of what hurt my mental health this week so bad was that i got Talked To at work about my performance. and it wasn't only me [which, unlike EVERY other time i've been told this, was actually not a lie but the truth, it was me and one other night worker] but man did it make me hella, HELLA insecure and depressed. i have mixed feelings about tonight but i went from 'fuck, i can't ever make a job happy with me, i'm a lazy piece of shit it's just my nature' to 'no! this is the first job of my actual real career! i have to be determined and actually get better at it and understand everything i need to do!' so... hopefully i can put that thought into action. thats the hard part. there will always, it feels like, be something i've overlooked or left undone and that makes me insecure AS FUCK but... nothing i can do but try.
- finally went ahead and ordered my pokekyun booster box, paid for two day shipping so it would arrive on thursday, specifically because i knew thursday was likely to be a rough day and i wanted to perk myself up. and so it came! and now i own the whole set [plus A MILLION doubles] minus two cards, Gardevoir full art and Flareon full art. both of which i own in english, but no it must be the japanese edition. it is BEAUTIFUL and i don't regret a goddamn thing.
Now I'm gonna go scratch my sunburn, drink my pre-work coffee and get me some several shiny Xerneas. 83
Got my Eevee socks on and feeling like an Eevee tonight.
My mental health has sucked dick this week, and honestly for a while now it's been worsening, but today I managed to keep the demons away. Fought em off with new things and variety and craft projects and the things I adore. And never once felt compelled to belittle my hobbies because they're "childish" or w/e like I often do lately.
We went to Target today and picked up some things!!
- an ostrich feather duster, because bb says we need one. hey if it makes the house cleaner. [and if we can keep murphy from eating it]
- some of that wolfthorn deodorant from oldspice pfftt. I'll admit I'm a sucker for their animal series stuff :v and also the thorn name derp
- mod podge!! how did we not own any. and two black posterboards for a project
- some sponges, but not the green and yellow ones because those are a little bit triggery for me. but i didn't even consider that there would be others! so instead we got some cute yellow and pink ones that have little images of forks and spoons and cups on them :'3 how lovely. now we just gotta keep them from being smelly and moldy and i will be pretty much trigger free as long as our dishes don't get rotten [like they were today until bb washed them finally *0*]
- some clothes for me!! we meant to get me swim trunks but ehhh they didn't have any that i liked. [except in kids sizes because of course e_e] so instead i got a pair of shorts that actually fits! and isn't falling apart! and is really nice, just basic grey camo cargo shorts, my go-to for literally over a decade. and they also had a polaroid shirt omg!! i had to buy that one. it's one size bigger than i would have got but they were almost all gone, i'm lucky they had them at all! so i nabbed it and i'm wearing it now. i'll take it off before work but :D
- a scale! finally to weigh myself on. it has lil river pebble textures on it for sensory stuff for me. 83
- motherfuggin EEVEELUTION SOCKS... OMG. i thought they were kid only size and wanted to cry but then bb found adult sizes. omg. it has Eevee, the oldschool trio of 'lutions, and a poke ball and masterball designs, so six pairs total. I LUV FANCY SOX. especially really cute pokemon sox. :333
other than that.... i finished today a puzzle of Termina that I had been working on for a couple of days [e.g. the land of majora's mask, my favorite game of all time]. yesterday i was so depressed and i just kept doing this puzzle to keep from self harming. so thx zelda. today i glued the puzzle together and glued it to the posterboard, and since the posterboard was a little bigger, i wrote with gel pen on the black board some quotes from the game that i've always found personal or inspiring or important. i even highlighted certain phrases like they do in the game by writing in a different color of ink. :3 i'm gonna hang it up in the playroom! along with the pic of Opal that i had drawn for me at free comic book day a while back! [did i talk about that? it wasn't a v good time but i got TONS of comics, both free and not free]
this morning i laid out on the porch in the sunbeam with murphy, who flopped and scooted his little body around and purrrrrredddd super loudly. he was playful and happy and what a blissful kitty. <3 and it was lovely to lay in the sun and feel its radiance beam down on me. i got a little bit of sun at FCBD, and now my freckles are really standing out on my skin this summer already :D
made some dinner! the kitchen is sooo much easier to navigate now that it's just us and everything is ours, and nothing is anyone else's territory to worry about. just smashed up an avocado with some fried eggs and alfalfa sprouts. v good v good. and while i was in there i put away all the dishes that bb washed this morning! not exactly heavy cleaning but i organized everything, and prepared food for myself at work tonight, and overall felt very proud of myself ^w^
tomorrow is the 15th, which means my full-tilt diet is officially over! i did in fact lose weight even though i didn't really give it 100%, and didn't work out all that much. i lost at least ten pounds, most likely more. i weigh 226 now, last i checked was in february or march [before rms moved out and took their scale with them] and i weighed ten more than that. and since i suddenly obtained shitloads of stretch marks since then, i know i have gained more weight than that since then, maybe as much as 245 or 250 lbs at my heaviest, so that means i have almost certainly lost more than ten pounds on the diet. which is fantastic. imagine what i'd do if i actually worked my ass off lol. i successfully went without touching rice, bread, tortillas or any grain product whatsoever [with the exception of crispbread which is the most dry and minimal source of no carbs ever, less than crackers]. i didn't touch ANY heavy carb foods, but i did imbibe a little sugar here and there [e.g. an icee, a donut, a cake pop, a cookie, a sip of bb's Surge the other night] but only roughly once a week did this happen if at all. soon i can have little nibbles of sweet things more often and it's okay :D!!
speaking of sweets! we ordered my cake today. aaaah!!! i've never ordered a cae in my life before i'm so excited! i gave them a card sleeve from pokekyun to scan and print on the cake aaahh it's gonna be so cute. shoulda told them to decorate it with Sylveon ribbons lol!! but maybe that'd be too complicated for this place. [ooh and i bet if i walked to Aggie's on my birthday they'd give me a free ice cream 83 and i would also love going out for birthday sushi... yeeees] i can't wait! it also came out while they were asking what i wanted on it that it was for me HAHA the lady was like "So do you want a specific number on there? Is it for a younger child or...?"
"Uh, sure, put 25th"
"Oh! ... Is this for YOUR birthday?"
HAHA it was pretty cute she grinned a lot at that. Bb was embarrassed for me I guess? but I wasn't embarrassed at all, I'm far beyond being embarrassed by such things as ordering my own birthday cake with Pokemon on it ;3
After the cake order we went to Save Point next door, and bb picked up bioshock infinite [which i will def be playing, that game man] and also an old pokemon gold and silver pokedex manual! which i mostly wanted because it has ALLLL of the old amazing watercolor Sugimori art from back in the day that i want to emulate so bad. heck yes.
oh and when i get my birthday present, which will hopefully be a super nintendo, i wanna temporarily set it up in the living room on the flatscreen tv 83 and play ma games on there. hell yeah.
last thing today, Beth actually saw me posting about rave clothes and stuff that i used to wear and she showed me a link to a HUGE sale on phat pants [these really big huge pocketed, really expensive rave pants] that were like 70% off. so i totally bought myself a pair. because yes. it's been a decade and i still adore those pants even if the bottoms get all messed up from walking in them, they're meant to go to the floor anyway! so YA i'm gonna own those and my wardrobe will be a little more colorful
so yes with the power of shopping i turned a bad week into a lovely Saturday! we'll see how work and stuff goes but today was wonderful and i'm savoring it <3
past:
- the other night i went to Abari, the game bar! they have arcade games [both old and a new one which is a four player coop game? idk], pinball and a little corner with various retro consoles to play, that is if you can ever EVER get a spot on the couch lol! it was pretty great! i had a margarita, bb had a gin and tonic [ew] and a vodka with cranberry [yum!] and... a Surge? lol?? they sell booze and also Surge. i guess it's a gamer drink somehow now :V or maybe just because it's retro lmaooo. i love Surge negl so i had a few tiny TINY sips. i really loved that place ngl! that was the first bar i've EVER EVER been to and actually enjoyed myself, didn't feel scared or claustrophobic, i kinda expected an ass grab or being grossly rubbed on while my hands were busy playing games but nobody bothered me at all except to ask to join a game or something. it was great :D! i'm totally going back there.
- steven universe is back and maaannn it was amazing. thats all pretty much. it was so good and i'm so glad the show is at least back for a few weeks!
- WORK STUFF.... eehhh. part of what hurt my mental health this week so bad was that i got Talked To at work about my performance. and it wasn't only me [which, unlike EVERY other time i've been told this, was actually not a lie but the truth, it was me and one other night worker] but man did it make me hella, HELLA insecure and depressed. i have mixed feelings about tonight but i went from 'fuck, i can't ever make a job happy with me, i'm a lazy piece of shit it's just my nature' to 'no! this is the first job of my actual real career! i have to be determined and actually get better at it and understand everything i need to do!' so... hopefully i can put that thought into action. thats the hard part. there will always, it feels like, be something i've overlooked or left undone and that makes me insecure AS FUCK but... nothing i can do but try.
- finally went ahead and ordered my pokekyun booster box, paid for two day shipping so it would arrive on thursday, specifically because i knew thursday was likely to be a rough day and i wanted to perk myself up. and so it came! and now i own the whole set [plus A MILLION doubles] minus two cards, Gardevoir full art and Flareon full art. both of which i own in english, but no it must be the japanese edition. it is BEAUTIFUL and i don't regret a goddamn thing.
Now I'm gonna go scratch my sunburn, drink my pre-work coffee and get me some several shiny Xerneas. 83
