032015

Ollie's Big List of Life Improvements, or, Non Necessary Material Wealth that will Make Things A Lot More Fun

- NES and SNES, and slowly accumulate games same as we did with the gamecube [~$40 each for console?]
- a polaroid camera and film. already have my Big Swinger but i could use one a little more accessible like an SX-70 [$120ish w/film?? variable]
- passing adaptive equipment. packer, soft and hard, and harness[es]. and either a new binder that works properly, or a strap to keep the one I have from rolling up and killing me. [hiccup's eyes lit up when he heard me thinking about this last night oh boy] [i have no idea maybe $100 or so altogether]

idk more later. there's more that's not like strictly material but those three are things. the two original Nintendo consoles because i wish i had been 5 years older to experience them and they're not going to live forever, so i want to experience the originals before they die out. and because i had no idea how CHEAP they are omg. thought they'd cost crazy money. polaroid because instant film is a secret fascination of sorts for me, and i haven't been able to really dive into it even though i did find a really nice old polaroid camera. [but idk if it actually works, i hope so, we'll see :v] it's an expensive hobby now, instant film, but becoming slightly less so with the advent of new cameras from other companies!
and of course the male-passing stuff... i guess it's a little more necessary than the other two but. ehhh. i'm kinda putting it off LOL. i guess bc i've had issues passing in the past. but hey i've never tried in the city before, where there's a load of people around. especially up at the university area maybe. we'll see.

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feel like i should make a more detailed lj post about my day idk

DID MY TAXES. and even tho i had to pay $100 for being too poor to afford insurance when i was told i wouldn't have to... my refund is still huge. bigger than any year previous omg. omg. and even though i can't find my direct deposit info because of moving and so i have to wait for it to come in the mail... STILL STOKED. gonna be a real help.

bb just left after we did our taxes together, bc he forgot the zucchini for the roasted veggies and the zucchini is by far the best and most important part. so.

idk. what am i feeling like today. i'm about to take a shower. children are yelling outside. i'm sitting on the futon in the living room and typing away. Murphy was curled up asleep next to me until just a minute ago. i have to leave for work entirely too early today and i woke up late [because bb was gone and no Bird to text me awake so tbh no reason to get up early] so i feel pressed for time even though i don't have anything else to do today besides taxes.

feeling kinda... ehh. idk. can't get her off my mind. but i mean... that's nothing new. i'm not broken up about her not being around but it feels fundamentally Wrong. part of my life just missing right now. like i'm poking with my tongue every five minutes at a hole where a tooth should be. it's ok. i'm halfway through as of tonight. it's gone by fast. i never did get the goodbye text and that niggles at my brain, my paranoia trying to convince me something happened but i know nothing happened and it's fine.

just not feeling much of anything rn tbh? which i guess rings some small alarm bells for depression but i pretty much always have depressive tendencies so... that's unsurprising. idk. don't have money or time to get out and do anything fun today really. but yet i was still productive and that's good.

played more puzzle league. beat normal mode and then hard mode 1p campaign hell yeah. notably on hard mode i beat Sabrina in TWELVE SECONDS LOLOL. didn't even mean to, it just went that way and it was great. and then later Bruno stomped me TWICE before i was able to beat him. so i had to use continues but still.

jesus christ those children are screaming at the tops of their lungs why don't they play somewhere besides the stairwell >_<

idk. just been a day. just trying to get through the weekend as fast as possible. i wanted this weekend to be full of ~adventure~ but somehow didn't consider that i'm broke as fuck because of poor decision making this last week :| so.... yeah. but i'll find something to do. still reallllly really wanna take that trip to Huntersville at the first opportunity and go see the raptor center with Hiccup and the witchy shop.

shit i was going to go to the post office today, just remembered and now it's too late >:/

speaking of Hiccup, it seems like his little trip out into the wilderness of headspace resulted in some... issues with us syncing up like we did before? like it's harder for me to sense him now, it's like it's back to where it was a while ago. harder for him to front or for me to stay tuned in and hear him consistently. it's kinda upsetting but i mean, what's done is done and all we can do is work on it. i don't emotionally feel like it hurt my trust or anything like that. not at all. but idk. i guess we have to build the bond back up some to where it was. idk, i've never done this kind of thing before so i don't really have an understanding. he's been back about as long as he was gone and it's not back to normal and that... doesn't seem right. idk. we'll try to work on it i guess.

idk. don't feel great or bad about this day. just kinda doing my thing. was productive, did something important and that's good. hard to hear headspace or feel them nearby right now but... it'll pass. things will be back to normal soon enough.