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man, my mental state today since i woke up has not been very good. worse than yesterday. less anxiety, but more depression and kinda feel sick to boot. i don't want to eat, i don't want to do... anything. my brain is telling its typical lies VERY LOUDLY, even more irrationally than usual, and i'm more prone to actually believing them. i'm acting out, getting in stupid LJ comment fights which make me feel terrible... wtf, man. am i in a funk or what? i need to snap out of it!
today's the day that i guess i'll make a break with my volunteer job. since last week i was basically told i wasn't going to have anything to come back to. i think i'm just not going to show up, and what happens happens. idk. i'm just tired and kinda running out of spoons to drive there every monday and wednesday. it was really fun and i did it for almost the whole year, but i think i'm done now. next i'd like to volunteer with the waterfowl rescue.
my nose is running or stuffy, phlegm in my throat, i'm sneezing, ugh. i feel like that endless work week took it out of me. then again, i was a bit sneezy last night at work, too.
maybe i'll find a movie or something and do some art. idk.
today we switched out the fan for the big space heater! and mom and wayne ignited the kerosene heater. last night i saw my breath for the first time since spring came. it got down to about 42 degrees. the Dark Year is here for sure.
dream last night... the thing i remember most is going to the dam and there being a huge, MASSIVE turtle [sea turtle? soft shelled?] with a gigantic leathery, oddly soft shell covered with moss, just languidly swimming through Lake Lee. i hung onto the turtle, climbed on its back and it just paddled along calmly, even when i touched its face it didn't mind at all. it was like the lake spirit. maybe that's what it is, maybe i now know the local spirit of Lake Lee. <3 [it actually makes a lot of sense, because Lake Lee is always SWARMING with turtles. everywhere. it's a sign of a very healthy ecosystem, because turtles thrive on fish eggs, so a lot of turtles means a HUGE number of fish, and considering how often i see people fishing there and there's still enough fish to support all those turtles? that's very good.]
so, after moping about feeling depressed and poopy for a few hours, bb made me some earl grey tea and it was delicious and soft and comfy. -w-
and then i played some Pokemon, my digital Y version. i had completely forgotten about getting my Kanto starter?!?! omg. i had no plans to use both starters, thought my team was planned out - Chespin, Pidgey, Dunsparce, Flabebe, Furfrou and Litleo - but... then i got a female Squirtle out of the blue! with an Adamant nature?! omg. like, i thought the ones you battled with on Prof Sycamore's team were the same ones you have the option to adopt? but it seems that's not the case, because the Squirtle on his team was male, so imagine my surprise when this one's female! i named her Ginkgo and now i'm seriously debating keeping Dandelion, my Dunsparce, on my team long-term. ;_; i love Dunsparce so much and i wanna burn the haters by taking her to the pokemon league, but like... kinda want this squirtle on my team now. and i already have Pidgey for normal type coverage... weeehh. i love Dandelion. she is the cutest. ;~; and so chill. i know if i decide to take her off the team, she will be okay. i just have to show her that i love her no matter what. <333
hell, who knows, i might even remove Chespin from my team. i'm not a huge Chespin fan, though i don't dislike him at all. we'll see. although that would give me an entirely female team... >_> single-sex teams are kind of a bad idea because, you know, Attract exists. but it's not a huge problem.
if only i could always have this chance to get three copies of the game, even though having a superfluous Y version is slightly silly... it does give me the chance to raise SO many more pokemon than i normally would! and it gave me the chance to get all six starters available!
[and then i did a mass search of everyone i could think of from middle and high school, which was very much acting out and left me in a v bad state of mind]
today's the day that i guess i'll make a break with my volunteer job. since last week i was basically told i wasn't going to have anything to come back to. i think i'm just not going to show up, and what happens happens. idk. i'm just tired and kinda running out of spoons to drive there every monday and wednesday. it was really fun and i did it for almost the whole year, but i think i'm done now. next i'd like to volunteer with the waterfowl rescue.
my nose is running or stuffy, phlegm in my throat, i'm sneezing, ugh. i feel like that endless work week took it out of me. then again, i was a bit sneezy last night at work, too.
maybe i'll find a movie or something and do some art. idk.
today we switched out the fan for the big space heater! and mom and wayne ignited the kerosene heater. last night i saw my breath for the first time since spring came. it got down to about 42 degrees. the Dark Year is here for sure.
dream last night... the thing i remember most is going to the dam and there being a huge, MASSIVE turtle [sea turtle? soft shelled?] with a gigantic leathery, oddly soft shell covered with moss, just languidly swimming through Lake Lee. i hung onto the turtle, climbed on its back and it just paddled along calmly, even when i touched its face it didn't mind at all. it was like the lake spirit. maybe that's what it is, maybe i now know the local spirit of Lake Lee. <3 [it actually makes a lot of sense, because Lake Lee is always SWARMING with turtles. everywhere. it's a sign of a very healthy ecosystem, because turtles thrive on fish eggs, so a lot of turtles means a HUGE number of fish, and considering how often i see people fishing there and there's still enough fish to support all those turtles? that's very good.]
so, after moping about feeling depressed and poopy for a few hours, bb made me some earl grey tea and it was delicious and soft and comfy. -w-
and then i played some Pokemon, my digital Y version. i had completely forgotten about getting my Kanto starter?!?! omg. i had no plans to use both starters, thought my team was planned out - Chespin, Pidgey, Dunsparce, Flabebe, Furfrou and Litleo - but... then i got a female Squirtle out of the blue! with an Adamant nature?! omg. like, i thought the ones you battled with on Prof Sycamore's team were the same ones you have the option to adopt? but it seems that's not the case, because the Squirtle on his team was male, so imagine my surprise when this one's female! i named her Ginkgo and now i'm seriously debating keeping Dandelion, my Dunsparce, on my team long-term. ;_; i love Dunsparce so much and i wanna burn the haters by taking her to the pokemon league, but like... kinda want this squirtle on my team now. and i already have Pidgey for normal type coverage... weeehh. i love Dandelion. she is the cutest. ;~; and so chill. i know if i decide to take her off the team, she will be okay. i just have to show her that i love her no matter what. <333
hell, who knows, i might even remove Chespin from my team. i'm not a huge Chespin fan, though i don't dislike him at all. we'll see. although that would give me an entirely female team... >_> single-sex teams are kind of a bad idea because, you know, Attract exists. but it's not a huge problem.
if only i could always have this chance to get three copies of the game, even though having a superfluous Y version is slightly silly... it does give me the chance to raise SO many more pokemon than i normally would! and it gave me the chance to get all six starters available!
[and then i did a mass search of everyone i could think of from middle and high school, which was very much acting out and left me in a v bad state of mind]
