slipping stuff
Apr. 16th, 2015 08:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thebrokenarrowsalso feel like i should try to Say A Thing about what's up with hiccup lately. he's def slipping a lot. which is weird because he was one of THE most strongly anchored people for a while that i was aware of. and the one who was most aware OF this anchor, the one who really made me conscious of it as a phenomenon. feeling him consciously reaching down to tap into it made me see it for what it is.
it's been a while since we did much stuff together because like... he's not sure who he is right now. i mean he knows he's Hiccup and the source material he's from, he recognizes everyone. but he like, can't quite get in touch with his feelings for them. aside from Toothless because honestly they are quite literally part of one another, if he didn't recognize him then we'd really be in trouble. and he can't get in touch with his feelings for me, either, although he is conscious that they SHOULD be there. it's almost like he's going back to where he was when he first manifested, when he was only semi-lucid and didn't really understand what was going on.
and like. that makes me scared that he's demanifesting. but Trolley is firm about it, saying no, he's not. she just tells me that he's changing and describes to me how a larva loses itself, its shape, when inside a chrysalis. i suppose so. [but i always kinda hated that analogy tbh. like why is a moth considered so much more beautiful and somehow worth more than a caterpillar? they're both so beautiful, it's just different stages in their life? idk maybe i just misinterpret it]
he comes out sometimes, but often it's... "glitchy?" he fades in and out by the second, he loses himself mid-fronting and isn't sure who he is or what "being Hiccup" feels like. it's a fuckin weird feeling. i guess it's almost like dissociation but not quite. and it's so not like him to doubt himself jesus, it's freaky and neither of us likes it :< i can't wait for him to get back to himself again. i have faith that it'll happen. Trolley seems confident too but honestly who knows what's going on in her head lol
it's not that he loses his memory, exactly, but like. he just. blurs around the edges. his voice is less clear, he's harder for me to see in headspace. i've become SO GOOD at seeing MYSELF, which used to be so hard, and now it's like he's got the same problem i had. ;_; it's fucked up man.
it's been a while since we did much stuff together because like... he's not sure who he is right now. i mean he knows he's Hiccup and the source material he's from, he recognizes everyone. but he like, can't quite get in touch with his feelings for them. aside from Toothless because honestly they are quite literally part of one another, if he didn't recognize him then we'd really be in trouble. and he can't get in touch with his feelings for me, either, although he is conscious that they SHOULD be there. it's almost like he's going back to where he was when he first manifested, when he was only semi-lucid and didn't really understand what was going on.
and like. that makes me scared that he's demanifesting. but Trolley is firm about it, saying no, he's not. she just tells me that he's changing and describes to me how a larva loses itself, its shape, when inside a chrysalis. i suppose so. [but i always kinda hated that analogy tbh. like why is a moth considered so much more beautiful and somehow worth more than a caterpillar? they're both so beautiful, it's just different stages in their life? idk maybe i just misinterpret it]
he comes out sometimes, but often it's... "glitchy?" he fades in and out by the second, he loses himself mid-fronting and isn't sure who he is or what "being Hiccup" feels like. it's a fuckin weird feeling. i guess it's almost like dissociation but not quite. and it's so not like him to doubt himself jesus, it's freaky and neither of us likes it :< i can't wait for him to get back to himself again. i have faith that it'll happen. Trolley seems confident too but honestly who knows what's going on in her head lol
it's not that he loses his memory, exactly, but like. he just. blurs around the edges. his voice is less clear, he's harder for me to see in headspace. i've become SO GOOD at seeing MYSELF, which used to be so hard, and now it's like he's got the same problem i had. ;_; it's fucked up man.
