031515

thinking about traveling today. thinking about the South, and the city that i now call home. i realized last night, i was born in this city. [i think in the hospital near McAlpine creek park. i need to check that park out if it's right where i came into the world.] so it's really good that now i get to experience it more. and i'm learning as i grow older that traveling actually teaches me about where i come from just as much as it teaches me about the new places. like today i learned that Bojangles restaurants originated here in charlotte. which is crazy because i'm pretty sure they've been everywhere i've traveled, from WV to Florida, but they started here in Charlotte in the 70s. o_o also there's Cheerwine which is a soda made by a small-ish local company from the carolinas.

last night at work was really hard. so hard. i came a hair's breadth from shutting down completely, which hasn't happened in a long time. and tonight has the potential to be just as bad, maybe even worse. but the days are peaceful, and for that i'm so grateful. today bb and i got to hang out for the first time in several days, he's just been busy and not home all the time and it's been weird. but today we went to target and got me some work pants [i'm so not ok with spending $30 on pants that are just gonna get all greased up >:| but i needed em and goodwill just had nothing to offer me this time i guess] and shampoo and then ate Bojangles and it was good.

and that was when we got talking about the South and my weird adult-onset pride, or maybe just happiness at having been born here. i dunno. still picking out words to describe the interesting feelings there. like as a kid i had this phase where i was like YEAH COUNTRY YEAH SOUTHERN I GUESS for no... apparent reason? and i was really embarassed of that phase for a while so in my teens i was actively like WHATEVER I JUST HAPPENED TO BE BORN HERE, BEING PROUD OF IT IS POINTLESS IT'S JUST A MATTER OF CHANCE. which also makes sense. but now i'm in my 20s and i'm like you know what? this place has its warts. lots of them. the South has religion problems and politics problems and especially bigotry problems. and being born as a trans queer kid in the South has its own struggles. but like... idk. i feel good about having been born to this place, this life. i don't think i would have chosen a different path for myself. it's coming up really lovely so far. even though i have barely begun my transition to be more comfortable in my own skin... i'm happy right now. and i hope it can keep being that way because it's such a good feeling. looking back on my childhood, i can see the idealized Southern-ness of it all and it's a really comfy sort of memory haha. and like i said, moving away and traveling and growing up gives me perspective and makes me happier about being born to this life. and when i actually leave the South for the first time ever, which should be this summer, that will give me even more.


been repeatedly writing important things on a certain spot on my arm and realized that I need a tattoo there. think it will be like a scroll ribbon, but a long empty length so i can write whatever needs written on there whenever i need. just gotta figure out a good design or have someone do one for me. i'm still not confident enough to do my own tattoo designs to be on my own body haha.
but before i get that one done, my next tattoo will be the Broken Arrows sigil. the symbol of my System. the finalized tattoo design will be drawn by my best friend. that's some powerful magic and make no mistake. and i'm really excited to get it done. it'll be on my lower right leg near the ankle, i think. i would love to have it done by the time i go see her in August or whenever that happens, so she can see it. :D