010415

[thebrokenarrows]

Work did a serious number on me last night and I'm not over it. Going back in 2.5 hours for an even longer shift with the same incompetent people as last night. I felt confident last night at the beginning and went out of my way to get things done ahead of time to make things easier on myself. But no. I got flattened regardless. Because no one working this weekend understands when and how to give people breaks which leaves me stuck without a break until almost the end of my shift, light headed and dehydrated and on the verge of a panic attack or passing out the entire time. And now I'm a nail biting leg jiggling ball of anxiety knowing I have to go right back and do it all over again. Genuinely felt like walking out last night. I don't get paid enough for the suffering I go through there some nights.

Also realized that my bottom left wisdom tooth seems to be erupting in a bad way, as in surgery is probably unavoidable. It's creating a flap or pocket of skin partially covering it, just begging to get some food stuck in it and get infected. I've been doing my best to clean it out, but I realized it last night on top of the other mountain of stress I was dealing with and truly almost had a panic attack. I'm really scared of having them out. I saw my sister have hers out and she was in absolute hell for a week or so. Not to mention I can't afford the chunk out of my savings that missing a week or more of work would cause, not to even mention the bills since I have no insurance. Life is... hard. -_-
My favorite manager had a bowling thing going on today and I was supposed to come, but I just had absolutely no spoons to do so. I feel bad, though I know she won't hold it against me. If only she had set it up on a different day. I don't know how I'll survive tonight even without the added stress that would have caused.

Just drinking coffee and trying to relax and somehow un-frazzle myself. Why does day 1 of 4 have to be the shitty one that knocks me flat and forces me to drag my unwilling carcass back for three[? four???] more days of drudgery AFTER that. This job kills my soul.

Don't know. Want to say other things but all that's bouncing around in my brain is TIREDFEARTIREDANXIETYTIREDBAD. At least I started working on a full art piece? And then immediately after inking realized that I've been doing inking all wrong this entire time and a friend showed me a TOTALLY OBVIOUS much better way... e_e